Among the infinitely many other issues just laying around casually here, Adam and Eve were straight-up not real. They did not exist. Jebus did not make humans out of dirt and ribs. It did not happen.

I'm of two minds on this. On the other hand, Twilight is laughably shitty. But on the other, like, bro, you're inhumanly wealthy due to this franchise, no one MADE you act in those movies, maybe just chill on talking shit about it for a bit.

I don't know what this says about my generation, but in a very real way, he was our Walter Cronkite.

Get in loser, we're going shopping.

I find that "sexy faces" are often more like "I'm stoned in the chip aisle at the grocery store and experiencing sensory overload" or "someone walking behind me just grabbed my ass" or that thing, that you said.

Yeah whether that actually violates the Hippocratic Oath or whatever, it's a little squicky I think for a doctor to be fucking a patient even if they're in a different department of the same hospital.

It's quite a bit sadder that it was actually written by a human being, who presumably went to Journalism School. I would feel way more okay with this story if a donkey's taint had written it.

(In which case you'll just low-key be allowed to die of damp in a leaky, crumbling castle in the middle of nowhere so my new slam and I won't have to think about your menopausal ass)

Either that or she's stopped drinking the Kool-aid

Does anything capture the feeling of Middle School so completely as blink-182? I was 13 about ten years after "Enema of the State" came out and it was still the go-to for any occasion.

In my experience, nutty-ass men often have some pretty intense Madonna/Whore shit going on, and Taylor has always played up the whole "I'm just a wife-able sweet innocent pure WASP-y princess who just needs to find a man who won't hurt me anymore", which draws crazies like flies to honey. Just a theory.

"Without putting words in my mouth..."

My sister did that with a home waxing kit the night before her first day of high school. Shit was real.

My sister did that with a home waxing kit the night before her first day of high school. Shit was real.

Fun fact: A girl (white, duh) in my "American History: Civil War to the Present" lecture yesterday straight-up did not know segregation was a thing in the US. Like, didn't know that had taken place. She was utterly shocked by the concept. Direct quote, I shit you not: "Wait, like they were mean to them just because…

It's like why even join a sorority if you're going to wear the wrong shade of pearls to rush. Everybody knows pearls that are too white look bluish. Duh.

Everybody has a thing for douchebags to a greater or lesser extent. It's fine. No it's not, but whatever.

She totally gave Brad from Kappa the clap. But you didn't hear it from me.

Gonna go with the sketchy dude who worked in the kitchen at a swanky resort 40 minutes from my college town. Not unattractive per se, but oh god. Conspiracy theorist, reeeeeeeeeally into psychedelic drugs, body odor, terrible hair. But hey, he also gave me weed every time we fucked so that was nice. The mouth herpes…

Becky is such a dumb bitch right? I can't even believe we rushed her. Who the fuck can't tell the difference between plum and aubergine? And she's a slut.