They might be. I'm sure it is also dependent upon where one lives; on the northeast coast of USA, even an upper middle class income just isn't particularly attractive given the high concentration of wealth in the area. It is relative.

I meant staying on equal footing with contemporary women. I don't mean that men and women used to be equal, at all. Nor do I mean that, objectively, men aren't on equal footing in relationships with women. I'm talking about the perception of power, and the motivation for it. The goal isn't necessarily mastery of the…

Sorry, I didn't mean economically elastic. I should have said flexible or pliable. Most men, in my experience, would be able to tell you their ideal woman in terms of body type, interests, and so on. However, who they actually date is often very different from their previously stated ideals, and yet they don't seem to…

I definitely agree with your second point. As to your first point, remember that power isn't always about having *more* than the other person, but can also be about staying on an equal footing. For me, as a guy, it is obvious why a man would desire a woman independent of economic considerations. It is less obvious to…

That's probably the way it should work. Good for you two!

My experience is that men's preferences are very elastic. But you're right, people are unpredictable in general.

You're right. It's just like anything else in life - sometimes what one has is in demand, and sometimes it isn't. One has to adapt, accept, or both.

I do still see people (men and women) whose marriage choices are influenced by their partner's incomes. I suppose I don't dwell in the social strata in which people marry purely for money. But the situation you describe is an extreme one - not merely earning a good living, but being wealthy. So, of course, if you have…

I don't know that it is necessarily about being nicer. Money or earning potential is just not as important, and other attributes are more important. It isn't as easy to coast.

As far as dates go, I like paying. It is a way of showing that I am capable of being generous and providing for her, even if she is perfectly capable of paying. I assume that in a good relationship each person is going to do for the other, whether through spending or through deeds. In a more established relationship,…

I think of myself as a fairly conservative guy, but see the advantages of having a working spouse. Perhaps your husband is fiscally conservative, so the economic case wins out for him in the end?

Thanks!

Somewhat tongue-in-cheek. Somewhat serious. You're absolutely right that it is unfair for men to expect to just show up and find a mate. Modeling relationships as economic exchanges is a comfortable - if flawed - model for me, and monetary exchanges are even easier to understand and prepare for. Such models fit well…

My point was the opposite - women do not have to look for a sugar daddy when they are financially independent. I'm definitely not saying that there are no men who are attractive independent of their ability to earn. But there are plenty of men who would have been considered much more desirable a generation ago than…

As a single man saving for my future and retirement, I definitely link future financial stability with having a wife who earns a similar income to my own. From an economic perspective, having a partner with similar financial values would mean that we could spend money more efficiently and we could retire earlier.…

While 401(k) loans are often not a good idea, the double-taxed trope is fallacious. When you take a loan from your 401(k), the loan is not taxed. The money you pay the loan back with is taxed regardless, and the money you take out during retirement is taxed regardless. You pay no more net taxes, unless your taxable…

I think not knowing what one really wants or needs is a human condition, not something particular to women.

It gets murkier when we are talking about someone who is in-between friend and acquaintance. A classmate of mine flirted with me (at one point made out with me), but decided she really just wanted to "get to be better friends." So, yeah, I said something like "I have enough friends, and limited time." My…

Well, it is going to be difficult to come to any agreement when we disagree fundamentally on this first point. I think there are different social skill sets involved in forming friendships and in sparking attraction. The fact that you mention flirting at all points to this, I think. While some people flirt with…

We'd have to distinguish between two scenarios: a) an existing friendship in which the guy confesses his feelings, and b) people getting to know each other, and the woman says "let's just be friends." In (a), you're right that it's pretty low to say "screw you, I don't want your friendship," though it is…