...and the people who threw her out of the truck accidentally drove into an abandoned mine which turned out to be the opening to Hell. There they were appointed to be Satan's anti-Christmas trees and draped from head to toe in barbed wire and lit cigarettes, which they will wear forever.

I don't have a picture, but I can share the awesome adoption story of my friend's Pittie, Rosie. My friend was driving along the freeway when she saw someone in a truck ahead of her throw a dog out of an open door and into traffic. My friend immediately pulled over and ran to drag the dog out of harm's way. Rosie had…

My big baby 😊

And here's Waf. Not the smear of goose-shit on my pants, which was the result of our fearless dog attempting to get himself killed by a giant goose.

Rescue dog time! My dear Fred, abandoned by his former family, found running around Lloyd Center in Portland in 1999. We picked him at the dog shelter on his last day of life before heading to the big fire hydrant in the sky. Not terribly smart, but so sweet. He died 6 years ago. I miss him every single day.

They poisoned her? What the ever-loving fuck?! Glad she's with people who love her. Waffles is a great name, btw. :)

Goddammit. Pits are the most eager to please, loyal dogs. All they want to do is please their owners. Mine was also abused, she was very nervous around men. Now she's spoiled rotten.

God, I hate people so much. Both my pups are rescues, and at least one of them was clearly abused before I adopted him (though thankfully nothing anywhere near as awful as this—he was very scared of people, but he was in good bodily health), and I can't read stories like this without imagining someone doing it to one…

I might prefer the right kind of murderer but he or she would have to be a cool witty gay murderer like Omar from The Wire who never turned his or her gun on anybody who wasn't in the game.

I chose to see your name on the poster, because it lifts a lot of weight off my shoulders.

As a forty-something, get off my lawn!

That's a lot of pressure. How does Smokey even know me and what I'm capable of?

Any chance this could have been the driver?

Maybe you have asbestos arm pits, but the rest of us would find being set on fire to be very distracting.

Bad news, bro, that is your Bronco...

I'd like to see you keep it together with a fiery armpit

Have someone set your armpit hair on fire when you don't expect it, let's see you not crash.

Yeah I agree, the kiss would make it weird. They probably live together, and it might be a one time thing so im sure they talked it over and decided it would be strictly platonic.

Look, I seriously don't see why this is on Deadspin. I mean, it does not matter if this is against the law or not, it is wrong, and part of the reason it even exits is because some fuck who would be better off not even on the planet with the rest of us posted it so people would look at it which gets him off. If there…

So lots of tongue, got it.