If you were going to kill the asshole who raped your friend, couldn't you just smother him with a pillow or something? She had to use magical vagina? Because maybe that made it look like what the first boy died of, so no one suspected foul play? But for real—WOULDN'T YOU AT LEAST CONSIDER THE PILLOW FOR A LONG TIME…

Two points:

It's about the same thing with the jehovah's witnesses... If you're not with them it's the death, hell and everything else for you (and that's sounds pretty cool, imagine playing Sympathy for the devil for Satan with some old rock stars....)

You're officially my favorite person on the internet. I am so using that the next time a Good Christian gets up in my shit...

I'm a little upset that it's not mentioned that Jezebel also messed up in how this was addressed.

Just out of curiosity: did your stomach *also* flip when you read the Jezebel article?

This should have been up instead of Doug's. In fact, I find how Jezebel has handled this to be bizarre in general. And incredibly disappointing.

We would've been best buddies at age 10.

... for this, I love your mind. I hope you don't ... mind.

When I was about 8 a friend of my babysitter would come over and tell frightening tales of the Rapture and what would happen after (I think she was 14). I had nightmares for YEARS. Jesus come get these people already.

That's beautiful. And makes me so happy.

Oh, it goes back farther than that! I grew up in a house filled with books about why the world was going to end in 1972, 1979, 1988, and so on. I was born in 1980. Never understood why my parents didn't get rid of the old, defunct predictions.

Can I join your boat of crazy religious mom survivors? Mine lives with us because my dad finally had enough and ditched her ass, so my pain continues into my middle years. Things I've had to explain to my kids - you will not be punished by a mythical deity if you don't pray before every meal, witches have no plans on…

Wow your 10-year-old self was EPIC!! (And I'm sure you've only gotten better!). You just blew MY mind and I'm Jewish haha!

You just blew my mind!!!!

I love the fact that when confronted with these irrational beliefs, many people just shut down like that.

My wife did something similar to an imam as a six-year-old: Asked why prayers had to be in Arabic, since surely Allah spoke every language or else he wouldn't know what was going on.

The imam ended the lesson and…

I am going to remember this next time anyone mentions the Rapture. Oh god I'm so excited.

Oh dear. Sorry to hear that! :)

Mmkay. Laughing will teach you exactly nothing about anything, but being a stupid asshole is within your rights as an American, God knows that much.

Is the smear on Jesus here necessary, really?