Also: it's Dallas. It's freaking hot here. It's going to be 90 degrees tomorrow in the middle of October. Trust me, there are people walking around with umbrellas all summer, and we've been in a several year drought. Umbrella man: not a thing.

That sounds amazing. I really want a small glass of wine with Thanksgiving but dealing with my shame-y relatives probably won't make it worth it.

I continued to eat sushi and diet coke (in moderation) throughout my pregnancy. Both are totally safe despite what most people think.

I'm due in one month and I've gained 30 lbs. I haven't given two fucks about what I've eaten, though I've tried to avoid a lot of caffeine. I have exercised a total of zero times. I go to Five Guys and get a double bacon cheeseburger and fries whenever the craving hits (every 3 weeks or so). I cook fajitas, pot roast,…

I hate it when people judge me for eating certain things. I've had severe nausea and dizziness and trouble gaining weight initially throughout this whole pregnancy, and I'm only halfway through, so if I want to eat a danish and some hot chocolate because it's calorie heavy and not likely to make me throw up, I will,…

I'm guessing you've never been pregnant, right?

Haha - true that re. the parasite's priorities.

Are you the result of Christopher Hitchens having sex with an angry-face emoji?

I'M A CATHOLIC, AND I BELIEVE IN GOD AND THE VIRGIN MARY.

Benevolent sexism is the more accurate term. It's so fucking patronizing to women. It's one of those 'jokes' that are supposed to make us feel better about being women staying within their small gender box like saying that "hey, you don't have as much institutional power as men but you have your feminine wiles which…

That isn't really misandry, though. It's benevolent sexism. Men are capable of being PRESIDENT, yet they can't run the dishwasher? Bullshit.

One time I got broken up with by my long-time crush after officially dating for one whole day, yep. He strung me along for a long time before that happened. He broke up with me while in his car, after a party. (so I was drunk on 2 40oz of Cobra I think) He said we would never work together or something, I mostly…

Ugh I don't have any bonkers ones. But there was this time in college I had been dating a girl for like a week and wasn't feeling it, so I went to her place to break up with her, but before I could break up, she started breaking up with me and I had to defend myself.

Like no no no no wait, I came here to break up…

One day I overheard a girl yelling at a boy on the (pay)phone with the same name as my boyfriend. Being a one stoplight town, I was curious and asked her his last name. Turns out, she was yelling at her/my boyfriend. We hitchhiked to his house (with a super creepy dude) and upon knocking on the door, discovered he was…

The pathological liar ex (I have posted about him before) and I had a relationship built entirely on dancing, fights and sex. It took me forever to understand that he was cheating on me, and I accepted his increasingly wild stories about his "friend" who was just "really emotionally fragile right now" and who I kept…

One of my exes was into medieval reenactment and at one point bought me a throwing axe, which I got to be pretty good at. When I dumped him, he went to my room and grabbed it, then fell to his knees baring his throat and offering it to me while begging me to "end it now." I laughed so hard I staggered backwards and…

My naive 18-year-old self wasn't the best at separating a guys interest in dating me with his interest in sleeping with me. I was also a virgin, or at least I was until I started hanging out with my manager from work. Since he was my manager, our hooking up was hush, hush.

That clown story was wonderful! I laughed out loud at Starbucks and now the slack jawed yokels are looking at me like I am crazy. But it is worth it. Clowns.

Welcome to Notre Dame! Now that you're a female employee, here are a few rules:

Can someone please remind how on earth where you work affects the medicine you're allowed to take? Unless they're crazy pills, you know...