+1

Man, the Japanese sure don't take this shit lightly. Why sacrifice just one chicken when you can sacrifice Colonel Sanders?

You made a burner account to tell me that...?

Big deal. This morning I dropped a nice little floater in the guest bathroom.

Somewhere, there's an Indian standing in a field, reading these tweets on his iPhone, with a single tear rolling down his cheek.

"That's what being cool looks like, children of West Virginia. Try to emulate it whenever possible."

Dammit. I had only read the first sentence of the headline, and then I chanted "1, 2, 3...BLOWJOB!"

Someone has to light up the lamps when the Panthers play...

You'll get one goal!

"Oh no, there's no sugar for my coffee. Can you just dip yourself in there and swirl it around for me?"

"Our worst mistake when hiring Len Bias as a spokesman." Bell said

[redacted because I made myself feel bad]

Haha. Thought about that. Couldn't think of the word "alright".

It's alright. It happened in Oklahoma. Where entire family trees have been built on the premise of scoring in the wrongest ways imaginable.

Maybe if he just showed this picture to police, they'd re-instate his license. I mean, compared to letting a woman drive, him speeding around everywhere just seems like the lesser of two evils.

Someone needs to tell them. These two word stories just seem to really lack soul.

As Mount Saint Vincent's players can attest, getting treated to a treat is exponentially better than what happens when they lose and the nuns belt them with a belt.

I heard his cousin Carr Washer is even better than he is.

Yeah! Way to knock them off their perch!

They were probably sick of him spending so much time in the ice bath.