Alternate Headline: Follow Jason Whitlock to Any Meal

"It's ruthless out there, and no one's ever stayed employed by sentiment."

+1 I K what you did there

Just make sure if Elvis sits, it's not on the toilet. We all know how that turns out.

I always felt cold....so cold...and alone, you know? I felt like everyone was always targeting me. Like, everyone was always taking shots at me...like, whenever they could get a chance. It felt like there was this...this...net....like, right there...ready to be cast over me. And whenever I would feel my most…

If my agent was half this zealous, I'd probably be commenting on the ESPN.com message boards by now.

Nice to see you got a Burner account Andy. Welcome!

You need some strong toilet paper to withstand those assholes.

"They didn't give up nearly enough."

lol

"Does this mean wearing my glow-in-the-dark pajamas to the game isn't going to get me on TV anymore?"

Milbury: You can't just flop like that! This isn't soccer!

This must be his audition tape for that new CBS show, "Dancing With the Guys Who Were Stars in France."

If they're going to continue to have symbolically coincidental babies, his wife better pray like hell he doesn't get traded to the Giants.

+1 HA

They could throw off their fans by telling them they'll be playing the game in Constantinople...

+1

Ugghhhh.

Is it surprising to anyone that a WNBA player was concealing a little extra something in her shorts?

The Bangles: It's nice to meet with you on this fine Monday, Lane. We'll need you to answer some questions.