“Every airbrush and digitally applied blush stroke solidifies the fact that you can be one of the most objectively pretty women in the world and still find a part of your body worth hating.”

Hey, if you want to expose your kid to a bunch of loud drunk people on the regular, that’s your business, but don’t expect me to forgo the use of expletives because you think the world is your child’s playground.

I helped my BF put his together (the part of it that his fingers were a little big for) and it seemed more like assembly to me, but I guess I only assisted with the little pieces.

I didn’t realize they were particularly easy to make compared to other firearms. (Though, “make” is a stretch, it’s really just assembling.)

I think most Americans drink nothing but coffee, soda, and energy drinks and only take in water if they accidentally swallow some in the shower or in the pool...

I honestly don’t even think that would work. Assholes are really good at convincing themselves that people who say anything to them are jerks or idiots, but their behavior is always completely reasonable no matter what. Most of the shittyest people I know also have the thinnest skin of anyone I’ve ever encountered.

Maybe, but when I put ice cream in one of my little dessert dishes from my china set I eat a hell of a lot less than when I put it in a cereal bowl or eat directly from the pint.

I’ve never understood the need to be a cunt about it. If you’re buying booze or cigarettes, be prepared to hand over ID. You think you shouldn’t have to show ID because you’re 60? I think you shouldn’t be shocked by the fact that you have to anymore your royal doucheness.

Yea, manager was either an asshole or an idiot (and quite possibly both). The restaurant isn’t losing money on someone bringing a jar of baby food, though they might lose money when people walk out because there’s a hungry screaming baby.

Because sugar is addictive.

Did you write “see ID” on the back instead of signing it? I’ve never been ID’d using my bank or credit card.

Well, considering how many Americans don’t have health insurance and avoid the dr like the plague.... but yea, as someone with 4 different kids of photo ID, I don’t see how people make it to adulthood without one. Even if you don’t drive, do they never go to the bar or buy beer or liquor?

I guess at least they might stop being such douche bags when cashiers have to ID them for alcohol.

Remember the good old days when we all thought Joe Biden was a loose cannon? (note: stolen joke, can’t remember who said it)

Why are you bringing your kids to sports bars? People don’t go to sports bars to be around your dirty children.

I mean, yea... but babies don’t belong in sports bars in the first place. I’m all for people being able to give their baby a jar of baby food while enjoying a meal at a family restaurant, but f*ck people who bring children to adult venues.

I can definitely agree with the birthday celebration crap. With 80 people in an office building, birthday celebrations get to be annoying as f*ck. If I have to listen to a group of adults sing happy birthday to another adult one more time I may stab out my eyes and ears. Also, no one needs that much cake in their…

If you’re dumb enough to think almonds or soy are farm animals, we should be selling you cyanide milk.

Due to issues with high potassium, I now need to avoid dairy milk for the most part (and even almond milk and soy milk have a lot of potassium). Finally found flax milk, which has no potassium, so I can have a bowl of cereal without fear of self harm and I’ll be super f’ing annoyed if it gets booted to another part of…

Uhhh, the hole in the ozone is getting smaller because we actually listened to scientists, did something about it and banned CFCs.