Over the past year I’ve had to spend a shit ton of time with different drs, specialists, surgeons, etc and they wash their hands for 20 seconds or less just like the rest of us. It really f*cking bothers me that they’re just as filthy as everyone else when lives literally depend on them being better than that.

Heck, even if you could travel at 10,000 times the speed of light, it would still take 250 years to go from Earth to the Andromeda Galaxy.

Sure, but at the speed of light it would take 2.5 million years to get to the Andromeda galaxy, so even if you could somehow travel at ten times the speed of light, it would still take 250,000 years to get there. Space. Is. Big.

I know people really like the AR boogeyman, but people who want untraceable guns probably want ones that are easily concealed like a pistol. You can’t exactly tuck an AR into your jeans or coat pocket.

It was easier for me to get a shotgun than it was to get a cat. ‘Murica!

I’m all for hating on humanity, as we do suck pretty hard, but come on, the universe is insanely massive and even if an alien species has mastered space travel, unless they’ve magically come up with FTL or a way to make wormholes (both of which probably aren’t actually possible in any way shape or form), they’re not…

lol, when was driving a cab ever a six-figure job?

I’m pretty sure I developed my complaining skills all on my own thank you very much!

The cops could tell just by looking at him? Wow, they must be psychic.

Ah, so you’re one of those weirdos who wears shorts all winter and acts like us norms are the odd balls. I’m super jealous, and I hate you. Praise be.

The bf and I get a bottle or 2 whenever we paint a room of the house.... we got a bottle when we painted the kitchen and it somehow became a tradition. The event usually ends with “shit, we better finish painting fast, while I still can... should we order in some chinese?”

So... the guy was sitting around and happened to have a gun. Where’s the second amendment crowd?

I’ll keep some fresh bandages and socks around for when I find you.

See you soon. You’re gonna love it. You can get a three bedroom apartment for half the cost of a parking space there. The food isn’t as good, but you can see the stars, so it’s a decent trade off.

That’s why they dump their misery on other people. You take all that inner filth and find someone else to spew it on.

I’ve never been to a bar where opening a tab was mandatory... 

I’ve only had it happen when opening a bar tab, I’ve never been asked to open a tab to eat at a restaurant.

“Better start scouting around for some coupons, Coke fans, or opt for fountain drinks.”

We still get a decent fall here upstate. It’s actually been a much longer season the past couple of years.

I think all babies are pretty weird looking, but that one is particularly fugly.