Shit man I’d shake my bosses hand if she said I would continue to get paid but don’t have to come into work anymore and I love my job too. I just love my bed and cats a little more.

It’s vast compared to my salary (and Ima gonna assume yours too, heh) but compared to New Yorks most bigly and awesome companies, everything with Trump written on it is small league. I bet there are conversations in top restaurants like this all the time:

Now I’m doing dual comments but I worked retail for years and we got ten mins only. So guess what I choose to do? Smoke. They ended up getting sued and I got like 200 bucks even though I never agreed to be part of the lawsuit. Winning. So anyways I’ve trained my bladder like a navy seal.

Girl my bladder is made of steel. I think I used the bathroom once but I was talking to a woman I just met during my smoke break. But yeah she didn’t tell me either.

This is a beta-test for Ivanka’s national child-care program

Jared Kushner’s daddy bought him admission to Harvard. It’s easy to be self confident when you’ve been a pampered little shithead with people telling you you’re great all the time. His father also went to jail courtesy of Chris Christie, which is why Jersey Fats was frozen out by Dumbass Donald.

I have a friend who got some forearm tattoos the day after he turned 18. He uses them as an example to teach kids why getting a tattoo just because you turn 18 is a bad idea.

“I’m out,” Chaffetz told Utah’s Fox 13 News in response to Trump’s comments. “I can no longer in good conscience endorse this person for president. It is some of the most abhorrent and offensive comments that you can possibly imagine.”

I have a bachelor’s degree in English and a master’s in writing. And I get crap all the time for the following fact, but I do not care: Stephen King is hands-down my favorite writer. I’ve read and enjoyed almost all his work. He’s obviously not going to expand your vocabulary or challenge your comprehension, but what…

I’m assuming at some point she remembers that she is wearing a necklace made with a piece of broken glass...

That’s his life plan.

To all the moronic fuckers who either actively wanted/turned a blind eye to this racist, sexist, xenophobic, and downright vile piece of shit because “he was a strong leader”. Look at your strongman President now, running like the fucking coward he is, unable to get his own Party to vote against the ACA which they…

There’s something off about Dax. Like, he tries to be all cool and relaxed, but his eyes scream “CHEM TRAILS!!!”

My bad, wasn’t trying to imply that you did. My response was more of an aggregate response to a couple of comments.

You are correct. It makes no sense. I cringe at the thought of this character being responsible for another life. Poor fake tee vee baby, nooooooooo.

Even if Pence isn’t tangled at all, it doesn’t matter. In fact, I’d suggest that if the line of succession stops at Pence we’re better off than if it goes further. The line of succession for the executive is very scary right now, and just consider that the further they get from the Trump admin the less direct guilt…

Now that President Obama has moved on, it’s actually nice to see the new leader of the free world sitting in the Oval Office, and also Donald Trump.

And ladders and shovels and dynamite and bolt cutters and welding torches and pick axes and rock hammers and Rita Hayworth posters and...

Of course we are.

I had a conversation with family awhile back after my father compared Trump to a toddler. We ended up concluding that my niece, an actual toddler, was a more qualified president by virtue of her greater intellectual curiosity, more consistent ability to exhibit compassion, more even temper, and larger vocabulary.