If he had one of those asphyxiation fetishes, he probably came as he went.

How did this man not possess the forearm strength to lift himself out of this predictament.

Porn is bad kids.

The actor is survived by his family and Bill Pullman.

The enemy of my enemy is my newspaper.

Do you remember in Harry Potter when Voldemort was being really super mean to the Malfoy’s and you were like, “sucks to be y’all. Prolly shouldn’t have hung out with wizard Nazis.”

Good to see he’s moving on from Heidi Klum

There is no way I’m Googling “fingermouthing” at work.

I misread this and expected to hear someone yell “baby hands” during the press conference. I was disappointed.

She’s not in the White House to make friends.

Despite this being 2017, it took me a minute to realize you meant the Secret Service and weren’t referring to the Nazi military group.

You want him to die? I don’t.

As funny as this is, I can almost guarantee he actually thought there would be some sort of orientation video. “Welcome! Congratulations on being elected to be the leader of the free world...”

I am a public school teacher. I am sitting at my desk, which is in a classroom in a public school full of minorities and SpEd students, and I am weeping. I have about 9 minutes left on my lunch break, and I don’t know that I can pull it together in time. I am crushed, absolutely gutted. I am afraid for my students, I…

I still think that the Obamas’ first act after BHO left the seat should have been an Instagram photo from the shores of Kenya. Middle fingers optional.

Someone read a piece from a Wagner opera.

Not saying it’s a coup....(but it’s a coup)

Trump should not be allowed to nominate a Supreme Court Justice in the last year of his presidency #MicDrop

This dumbfuck’s continued existence is proof that the Clintons don’t have people killed.

He voluntarily exchanged messages with a 15 year old girl. It’s one thing for the puritanical moral outrage over some politician cheating on his wife, it’s a whole other thing when an actual predator gets his comeuppance for being a predator. He’s not a victim.