Tonight when I heard this news, my mind immediately went to the Saturday Night Massacre. But things generally happened at a much slower pace back. It was more of a drawn out ordeal. It’s interesting to note that it was the Saturday Night Massacre that really spurred the calls for Nixon’s impeachment.

His body looks like it was formed from used cigarette butts and cheeze whiz.

I’m becoming more convinced each day that we’re in a simulation and the night shift guy is just toying with us for his own sick delight. Fuck everything. I just hope the simulation administrators aren’t Mormon.

I would pay some of my hard-earned money to hear that said at a presser in a British accent.

If you’re willing to be the back half of a moose, I’ve got a plan...

True story- in the mid-90s, I was going through a horrible bad breakup, and decided to write an email to my ex and kill myself by jumping off a bridge. Igot in my shitbucket Firenza, and starting driving to a bridge. Suddenly, it started raining buckets, so I decided to pull over so I wouldn’t get in a car accident on…

How long before it’s just going to be Ivanka on a kazoo?

i’m trying to buy a house right now.

Somebody’s gotta do the journalism.

“That’s not true.”

Who would have thought Seth Meyers would emerge as the hard-hitting late-night personality?

“here is Joseph Fiennes, brother of Ralph, also known as “the hotter one,” as Michael Jackson ...”

By 2001 Michael jackson had much more in common physically with a white man than any black man due to all the surgeries...this seems like manufactured outrage

This is what they’d have to pass as.

When he died, Michael Jackson was trying to pull together a film in which he would star as Edgar Allen Poe (novelist, pedophile, and white person). Frankly, he’d love that a white actor is playing him.

It’s what we always were. It’s just that that part of us is slowly dying, and — like any cornered animal — the backlash is only more intense as a result.

I do want it said and again and again how this has nothing to do with conventional politics. Trump isn’t just wrong or bad (or even primarily wrong or bad) because he’s a Republican. He’s bad because he’s just a shitty human being who just so happens to have hijacked politics.

To be fair, the only thing she stole from the podiatrist’s website was footnotes.

This STILL makes we want to scream into the void. How many people actually want this? Have they devoted any thought to the logistics, maintenance, and oh, that AIRPLANES WILL STILL EXIST. And that plenty of the low-paying American jobs that Americans DONT WANT TO DO are done by people across the border? Also, I recall…

Meanwhile I’m insured through Obamacare and pregnant and terrified. Thanks a lot, assholes.