More pertinent than the net neutrality issue is finding the asshole who put a gun to your head and forced you to read an article about a show you don’t watch

Also important to note is that if you choose to spend the time waiting for your water to boil in front of a television and sit too close to it, you will go blind.

see now we’re talking

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Also do your research on dihydrogen monoxide. It’s EVERYWHERE, and nobody is talking about it.

“You’re just not a good fit here”

Hill gave up as many hits as Granderson has intact ribs.

Does it make me overly cynical that I assumed the note was tongue-in-cheek and the guy was going to light the note on fire in order to get the jersey started, and was absolutely shocked that the thank you note was the end of it?

You wanna really nerd the fuck out? Consider the spin as well:

Think of it as us being bartenders at the same spot. You see me slinging drinks every day. You know I’m there, but you probably don’t notice every detail of what I’m doing. Then, 300 days in, you notice I just pocketed a large cash tip I’m supposed to be pooling. If you then find out I’ve been doing that every single…

You’re missing the more important lesson here, which is that proper elbow cleaning is a key element of early skin cancer detection and treatment

What’s the statute of limitations for how long it can take someone to notice something before they can react authentically? Because I want to know how long I have to slowly steal money from you without you noticing before you’ll no longer be allowed to get pissed about it

And I read the replies to the comments about a guy who read an article about a guy watching a pre-season NFL game and decided it was worthwhile to reply to the reply to agree on what a colossal waste of time this all is. Then I stepped back from my keyboard and for a fleeting moment was struck with a pang of regret…

Yup. The very well done yet extremely uncomfortable to watch Vice documentary really drives this point home:

[pictured: Minnesota football freshman orientation meeting]

Run out of tussin? Put some water in the bottle, shake it up, MO’ TUSSIN

Ah, yes, “organic,” from the Latin “organas” which translates roughly to “expensive”

Sonny Bill-esque

I’ve long maintained that it’d be helpful to implement a rule as in Union that you have to try to wrap in a tackle. I’m given to understand that even League mandates a wrap attempt now