This is the dumbest take of all the shitty “I know how to ‘fix’ football with a simple rule change” takes and it needs to go back in the trash where it belongs. You’d still have giant humans moving extremely fast and smashing into each other, gang tackles, blindside hits, etc., and everyone still has very hard plastic…

It’s a great skit, but funniest they ever did? The East-West Bowl would like a word.

*a necktie that’s been smashed with hammers and also is in the process of melting

You’re right, context DOES matter! For example, within the context of a Deadspin comment section, you should understand when someone is being facetious. So despite your very clear instructions, I don’t feel bad at all! In fact, it puts a huge smile on my face that such an innocuous comment thread is causing you such…

On the other hand, those clips of Elvis Andrus’ hijinks with Manny Ramirez are priceless. Manny just does not like it when people touch his head!

Similarly, Trent Dilfer is better than Dan Marino. Rings don’t lie.

Pertinent to this conversation, though, is whether What is a country Jim has ever heard of, and whether they speak English in What.

But somebody who wrote a thing says you shouldn’t do that because reasons! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

I actually go out of my way to dress better on casual Friday’s.

I believe you can get your ass kicked sayin’ somethin’ like that.

It’ll be his only regret.

It’ll be his only regret.

Lest I have to repeat myself:

I won’t enter the “is Chicago pizza actually pizza at all” debate or attempt to compare it to other pizza varieties (mostly because who fucking cares) but I will defend Chicago pizza as a delightful foodstuff in its own right. Anything with that much melted cheese can’t be all bad.

Ketchup isn’t even my favorite thing to put on a hot dog, but I dump that shit on every time I’m in full view of a native Chicagoan, just in case, and make as much eye contact as possible while I do it, because every window-licker who throws a temper tantrum because someone else put what is perhaps the most ubiquitous…

Uhhh.....no he didn’t

Having read part of that paper, I can only assume Urschel also wrote the copy for this:

Along the lines of selfishness....your company is not your friend. It doesn’t owe you shit, and will act accordingly. You really don’t owe your company shit either, aside from, you know, not being a dick and doing your job as well as you can. So don’t pass on an opportunity because you think you owe it to your current…

Maybe they’ll find a running play down there