Ditto that for anything mentioning a man sustaining carpal tunnel in his shoulder from an extended “air wank”

That’s a thing??

Of course there are! Who else will defend the downtrodden male population? We just can’t catch a break

You “would NEVER, ever drive even a little drunk”?

Really? If you can come up with a conclusion to that statement that results in him NOT looking like a racist sack of shit, I’ll start a kickstarter campaign in his name to pay his bills in case he ends up stepping down. Take your time; I’ll wait.

I know you linked to their website, but providing some context for what these people are about might help avoid the wild speculation happening in the comments...to wit (from their website):

They have yet to file for bankruptcy, so no he doesn’t

Huh. Well, Cardinals fans have done very little of late to make me proud of my own fandom, so I suppose that isn’t all that surprising. I live in Chicago, so I guess either (a) STL fans have to keep our heads down here a little more, because numbers; (b) the Cards fans I know here are outliers (read: not shitty…

Now I’M confused...are you under the impression they didn’t?

You’d have to ask Deadspin; I didn’t write this post

You seem confused....are you under the impression that celebrating your team’s success is the same as being a dick and shitting on the team you just beat? Because it isn’t

However the fuck they want! But also with awareness of the fact that being a shitbag in the earlier rounds relieves you of your right to get pissy when others return the favor in subsequent rounds.

I mean, usually when the Cardinals get knocked out of the playoffs, the Cubs have been out of it since, oh, about the all star break, so you definitely wouldn’t see any butthurt “yeah but at least the Cubs won’t win it all so THERE,” because that’d been a foregone conclusion for quite some time and wouldn’t make…

Be dickish all you want, it’ll just make it that much more fun to revel in your inevitable failure! But seriously though...I’m sure you’re having a really tough century. I’m impressed at your cogency given that you are apparently at least 107 years old. Hang in there chief, just wait ‘till next year (as you people are…

It’s not Cubs fans’ only complex, either...ABC Chicago just posted a congratulatory message (warranted) to the Cubs on a great season (it objectively was) but threw in an “at least the Cardinals aren’t in the world series” jab for good measure. Even when they personally eliminate the Cardinals, the Cubs have an…

You’re right...it’d only be fair, cubs fans were nothing but graceful after their wins in the wild card game and NLDS, so we really should try to—PPPFFFFFFT BAHAHAHAHA oh man, sorry, couldn’t finish that one with a straight face

The only airtight and totally accurate answer to any legal question is “It depends.”

You’re partly right, but the fact that what you list is only one definition of the word renders your comment (wait for it) moot.

Per the ever-omniscient Google, it is estimated that 363,762,732 pounds of gold have been mined in human history. Assuming Skimmy’s calculations are correct, you’re talking about an approximate increase of 0.6% when the new gold pool is discovered*. That seems like too small of an influx to really over-saturate the…

Thank god he got that idiot Tulo out of there so that the fans could enjoy the umpiring that they truly came to see.