Tell them jokingly that it was a craigslist missed connection. The truth will then sound better by comparison.

while most of us are always too warm.

Quasi-ZING-ish. Unless it isn't.

Afford to? Are you charged per un-answered kinja post? Mine are usually free

Are you implying that I have less than a quarter of a brain? If you are, I hope you get a phone call later and it turns out to be a wrong number, and you're mildly annoyed because you were RIGHT in the middle of something.

I'm confused as to what it is you think you're right about. I hadn't realized that "someone said something I don't like on the internet —> HITLER REFERENCES AND DEATH BY ASSRAPE" was a logical leap that cogent individuals were able to make without their tongues being firmly planted in their cheeks. You're skipping…

Oh, it's only too rational, and all too many folks above have tried to explain exactly why, but none of it seems to be sinking in.

motivated by anything other than hatred and spite.

Wait wait wait....everyone else gets death threats and Hitler comparisons for calling you a troll, and this "biggest fan" asshole only gets a request for an apology? This is horseshit! WHERE IS THE FURY??

Be strong.

That is so metal.

Yes.

The one thing that sticks out to me is this:

For those of us who are not professional athletes, "don't bother enjoying your 20s and 30s" is pretty shitty advice. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to enjoy this plate of chicken wings, wash it down with beer, and stay until the end of the party, because fuck you.

Sergeant Jesus and the Paratrooping Apostles

Whereas I am only confused about how his brain works.

He looks like South Park parodized him, only to have the cartoon parody re-animated into human form.

Looks more like a dislocation to me. Or maybe that's what he means and uses the two terms interchangeably. I did the same thing until I separated mine a couple years ago. Knowledge!

He's either lying about his credentials or is the world's shittiest lawyer.