Ms. Fiorina seems to be too frail to lift the mantle of antlers without some sort of pulley system off stage. Not everyone can have the vigor that comes along with outdoor Alaskan living.

A staffers garage or a staffer’s parent’s garage?

I am going to miss this woman terribly, and am hoping beyond all hopes someone keeps her shop open. When I got married a couple years ago, the wedding boutique suggested I check out her lingerie shop for a bra to go with my wedding dress. I have an extremely narrow back than is typical of my cup size, and Macys,…

Rachel is like “Also I’m not black either.”

This is Tara-fying (ly awesome)

Alternatively, if you don’t mind throwing up, just keep a bottle or a bag with you. I am a good puker in the sense, that I can do it discreetly and no one is the wiser. Cups at bars, bottles in cars, and once, over my shoulder mid conversation without skipping a beat.

Do you honestly believe that Sting could be a descendant of Donald J. LePetomaine Trump?

This, on the other hand, is actual research:

hey, he’s famous now! He’s basically just as qualified as any of the GOP candidates to become president.

Calling Trump’s hair a wig is an insult to wigs.

...”don’t seem to understand that there’s a middle ground between “mandatory” and “banned.”I feel like this sums up the entire GOP mindset.

When people use “myself” instead of “me” because they think it sounds more professional.

And people who think that “myself” is just a fancier version of “me.” I stop listening immediately.

When you try to divide by zero in Excel, some sort of weird something appears in the affected cell. Hmm....

I don’t know if you Twitter, but I really enjoy Kim Kierkegaardashian. A sample tweet from earlier today: “Feeling extra thin thanks to the pain that eats away at my spirit.” And from a few days ago, “Dressing for fall can be tough. Even a go-to sweater can’t insulate you from despair.” Anyway, I think it’s fun.

A part of me thinks the thought of one of these people quoting either of those would effect a similar event on the universe as dividing by zero.

Remember the only person you need to be better than is the you of yesterday.