Do you honestly believe that Sting could be a descendant of Donald J. LePetomaine Trump?

This, on the other hand, is actual research:

hey, he’s famous now! He’s basically just as qualified as any of the GOP candidates to become president.

Calling Trump’s hair a wig is an insult to wigs.

...”don’t seem to understand that there’s a middle ground between “mandatory” and “banned.”I feel like this sums up the entire GOP mindset.

When people use “myself” instead of “me” because they think it sounds more professional.

And people who think that “myself” is just a fancier version of “me.” I stop listening immediately.

When you try to divide by zero in Excel, some sort of weird something appears in the affected cell. Hmm....

I don’t know if you Twitter, but I really enjoy Kim Kierkegaardashian. A sample tweet from earlier today: “Feeling extra thin thanks to the pain that eats away at my spirit.” And from a few days ago, “Dressing for fall can be tough. Even a go-to sweater can’t insulate you from despair.” Anyway, I think it’s fun.

A part of me thinks the thought of one of these people quoting either of those would effect a similar event on the universe as dividing by zero.

Chardonnay, like a true geriatric gold hoarder

In my day, if you wanted money, you put on a Catwoman costume and tickled a guy’s balls with a riding crop. That’s called EARNING IT.

I was a bond trader in the 80’s and was lucky enough to be invited to some Memphis in May events by a group proudly identified as “The Memphis Bond Daddies”. Their “logo” was a vulture wearing a Rolex accompanied with a banner that read “Bondacious Daddicus”.

Remember the only person you need to be better than is the you of yesterday.

“And an insatiable desire to do more squats.”

Nope. Salty cat food casserole. Gross.

Not touching anything else on your plate?

Jesse Williams eats his yogurt like I eat my peas.

“...tirade about how the coffee was SHIT and full of WATER and he needs a strong drink for his son to be a strong man...”