Jesus tapdancing christ.

“christianity’s #1 gay pride prophet”

but like lets just take a moment to imagine president ben carson sitting down with egyptian president sisi

Can we just be like, “hey neighbor, you mind uh.. maybe..running America too? I mean we’re like right down here it can’t be that much trouble ....right?”

“It’s the biggest scandal the royals could ever face.”

He’s a recovering addict who lives in a rehab center. Navigating the world is pretty hard in those circumstances even when you speak the language.

finally a story with a happy ending!!

When I was 6, my grandparents came from Eastern Europe to come visit us in Texas. They didn’t speak a lick of English. My grandfather would go for a walk daily, and on New Year’s Eve, he went for his walk and didn’t come back. We found him 24 hours later - apparently he’d sat down in a park and took a nap, and lost…

“..bought Marengo a coffee and a glazed doughnut..”

It’s almost as if refusing to protect trans people didn’t stop straight men from going into womens’ restrooms to assault children there.

Oh good Christ. Just because a 12 year old is compliant doesn’t mean she wants to have sex—it means SHE IS TWELVE and accustomed to taking orders from adults, which is exactly what makes children vulnerable in the first place, you HALF WIT. Never reproduce, Detective Kelly.

In my attempt to see past livid rage, I want to just add that I’m going to steal this & hang it on my wall whenever I’m having a migraine/can’t deal with people.

“Look, we’ve got a serious problem here. A lot of boys don’t think careers in a STEM field are cool. What can we do to fix that?”

Well, we do have Voldemort as governor. This does sound like something he could get behind.

Whenever he goes on about the things he’s going to do as president it sounds like he’s running for student council.

He going to be harder to remove though. :(

“And in tonight’s performance the role of Yorick’s skull will be played by none other than the esteemed playwright himself”