And as such, penises should never be hung in a place where men can walk under them.

Sooooo......a pair of underwear that is in close proximity to <that what shall not be named> remains forever unclean. Does this mean that the penises that presumably enter said taboo spot also remain forever unclean?

“Compassion for all living beings is the most important thing in the world. What, you don’t agree? I kill you!”

Hopefully she’ll share a pic of her baby getting vaccinated.

I almost wish someone had criticized my food choices during any of my three pregnancies. They would have learned more about hyperemesis gravidarum than they ever wanted to know.

I feel years ahead of my time. Long before Reeses cereal I would mix Cocoa Puffs and Peanutbutter Capn Crunch.

Jimmy Carter, the most honest and charitable man to ever set foot on the planet, has four melanoma spots on his brain and the cancer spread to his liver, and this fucker gets to walk around free and act like the garbage human he his? Oh, I’m saving my weekly sloth poops for a couple of months for this guy.

Absolutely false. Statistically middle children are the best customers, having learned early if they ever ask for anything special, they’ll never, ever get it, so why bother? What’s on the menu is fine as is, thanks! I’ll just take the damn tomatoes off myself.

So, pretty much a same old-same old Monday?

Because Dick Cheney still claims Wyoming as his permanent residence.

That makes me think of the Spanish Inquisition. “Our chief weapon is surprise. Suprise and fear. Fear and surprise. Two. Our *two* weapons are fear and surprise and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope . . . . *Amongst* our weaponry are fear, surprise, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red…

This is what we get when the Heat Miser supports fracking and the Snow Miser supports Arctic drilling.

Man, you guys are making the absolute laziest Pinkham’s Law attempt I’ve ever seen with this argument. Come on. You can all do better.

My faro-wild-rice curry bowl is better than your overly-red meat (cue murderous rage in response). So, for once, jealous I am not.

“Hey babe, I’m taking you to your favorite! Ruby Tuesday’s!”

do the moderators even know that the candidates have other classes? Geez.

These “candidates” are literally becoming parodies of themselves.

I am genuinely confused about what they think will happen once they narrow down the clown car to one contestant to debate against Hilary/Bernie. Like Bernie wont play ball with them at all and Hilary has already proven that she can withstand a 13 hour assault of questions meant to break her. Will they have to answer…

Agreed. I can’t listen to her music for more than 2 seconds without becoming stabby. I once got out in the middle of a shower to switch the station when she came on.