Right? If I had that kind of money I’d be knee deep in cupcakes and blowjobs right now, trying to figure out how to make weed into iced cream.

Not former enough I guess.

You know why Texas is so obsessed with weapons? They remember when all their heroes were wiped out by the Mexican army at the Alamo. It’s also why they’re so afraid of brown people. That’s what they mean when they say remember the Alamo. Terrible defeats make Americans act weird.

Weird, I would have said choice. He’s not prime, that’s for sure. He’s probably been fed a diet of corn and beer his whole life, and he’s obviously well marbled when it comes to fat, maybe Kobe? I’d say grade A but I’m sure he’s never deserved an A in his life.

Thank you for this. This is such a public service. This is literally the best thing I’ve read in the bathroom in months. (I find when I read about politics in the bathroom I get too wound up to go. Thanks Trump, you’ve found a way to ruin shitting for me.)

I have never understood this. Has there ever been a man standing before a willing woman who said: “No thanks baby, I just can’t get past your nose.”? Men don’t care about the thing you smell with. Hell, we only barely care what you smell like.

How about a little history to calm down. There was an armed revolt against the elite right after the formation of the republic, called the whiskey rebellion. It was all over taxes of course. George Washington, champion of liberty, raised a militia and put them down.

Maybe, but more likely if he can’t produce what he’s promised he’ll be defeated and disgraced. He can’t hide behind obstruction anymore, plus he’s almost 80.

I’m now in my 50s but in my 30s I was utterly annoyed by almost everyone and everything. The feeling never passed but I kind of grew to accept it. You can take some comfort in the fact that you are in turn utterly annoying everyone around you too. It kind of takes the edge off.

Ha. Every step of parenthood is grosser and grosser. That’s just the appetizer. I kissed my wife’s pregnancy test. That’s not even close to the grossest thing I’ve been involved with and that’s just during pregnancy.

You can and should take a few days off. Whatever happens, happens. The fight will be right here when you get back. We all deserve a rest, especially in the summer and this shit is exhausting. Just don’t forget to come back in November.

Easy now. You can’t blame stupid for following a con man. It’s a tale as old as time.

Ha. Buying a house is like sex. It can be exhausting. It’s almost more fun to watch other people do it.

I do, thanks. I just couldn’t after my elbow surgery and I thought I’d have to dig it out with a spoon. God it was terrible, and that was just one big dose. I’ve always wondered how people who use opiates regularly deal with it. I guess that’s why all the street shooters are so skinny. That’s the only real side affect…

How did you kick the habit? (I’m asking for a friend).

Jesus I’m not sure this can be worded delicately so please excuse my question’s rudeness but I have to know: How do you poop?

Wow. I don’t know what that is but I can’t stop watching it. It’s like sugary candy made out of music.  

I hate myself for this post. I hate myself for liking Hanson. But click this link. It’s not bad. You may hate yourself too.

Right but the Russians are their friends now. What a bunch of morons

Ha Aziz Ansari disagrees and he grew up in racist South Carolina.