I’m male but I’ve always chosen women doctors on purpose. There are a lot of good side affects, all mentioned here, but that’s just gravy for me. Women have smaller fingers, so when she plunges it into my prostate exam it doesn’t hurt as much.

She made that “on Bill O’Reilly the show” joke on Wait Wait last week but it’s so funny it deserves another telling. Laughter is O’Reilly kryptonite. Trump too, for that matter.

Ha. I toured the capital building last spring and walked through the statue gallery. The first statue was good old Robert E Lee. Being from Massachusetts I blurted out “why would they put that traitor in here”? The room became slightly more tense. I could tell the guy in front of me was kind of pissed, but how is he…

Tell that to the Queen’s Guard (and their bear skin hats).

She looks beautiful and strong. I know a kid who was born around 20 weeks and change and she’s a perfectly happy healthy 5 year old now. Good luck, the odds get better every day. Thank god we have all this amazing technology and hospitals and doctors and nurses.

I swear in a modern world where men never have to test themselves fighting bears or battles capitalism has stepped in as a kind of artificial masculinity. It’s funny because these are just the kind of over emotional guys who would have run in and been eaten or killed immediately.

Sorry man. You enjoy sticking to the coffee tobacco and whiskey that the government so generously lets you have. That shit’ll fuck up your body. I’m going to go with what’s safe. Cannabis, mushrooms, mescalin. Maybe MDMA or LSD on rare occasion. Stuff you don’t need to do every morning to get to work.

Ha. My wife trained me long ago to keep my mouth shut.

I totally understand this. Kids, especially babies, are like boats. You don’t want to own a boat. It’s too much. You want to hang out with the guy who does. Bring over some beers on the weekend and be supportive.

Actually I was hoping you wouldn’t have to wait the whole four years. I have a bet that he won’t go the distance. I’m betting on coke fueled heart attack, but impeachment wins for me too. Who knows, the Russians might take him out if he decides to go rogue. That’s why this is a great bet. There’s so many ways to win.

The only explanation is enormous ego. Like pathologically large ego.

If you’re really a moderate then we’re on the same side. That means you understand firearm safety and practice it as a reflex without having to think about it. It means locking up your shit. It means never using your weapon to intimidate someone. Especially a woman you’re dating or want to date. It means you don’t…

I stand by my assertion that if someone makes money for showing their stuff it’s porn. They want you to see it. I’m not responsible for the commentariate or stupid people in general. There’s no cure for them.

There was an element of marketing yes. It’s hard to know whose idea it was, the celebrity or their publicist. For Linsey I bet it was her, with an assist from drugs. It’s not hard to know why they’d do it though. It’s the same theory that made Kim Kardasian famous. Sex sells stuff.

I agree except when it’s an obvious marketing move. Anne was an innocent, sure, but Lindsey Lohan is doing it on purpose to stay relevant. It’s not a violation if the celebrity makes money off of it somehow.  

Eye roll. My ancestors were blacks from Sicily. They assimilated and were upgraded to white. Same with the Germans, Irish Polish etc etc. Calm down dude. We’re all just people. Immigration is good for the country. You benefited from it too, if you’ve ever consumed chicken parm, or a taco. Why do you have to be such a…

I once bet my ten year old that she couldn’t find and ugly wedding dress. Nowadays 10 year olds have google so I lost on this one. This is the winner (loser?) I’m sure it would look great on you though.

I’ll ask the Russians.

Those are some very depressing options. Can we go with Idiocracy? I can’t believe I’m saying this but that might be the best of the bunch at this point.

These are the female star wars. I was at a play date the other day and the Beauty and the Beast song came on in the background and two of the mommies teared up. It’s like when I watch Luke blow up the death star on You tube and cry like a baby.