Sorry man. You enjoy sticking to the coffee tobacco and whiskey that the government so generously lets you have. That shit’ll fuck up your body. I’m going to go with what’s safe. Cannabis, mushrooms, mescalin. Maybe MDMA or LSD on rare occasion. Stuff you don’t need to do every morning to get to work.

Ha. My wife trained me long ago to keep my mouth shut.

I totally understand this. Kids, especially babies, are like boats. You don’t want to own a boat. It’s too much. You want to hang out with the guy who does. Bring over some beers on the weekend and be supportive.

I prefer my shell fish with the bellies but I suppose we could fry that one up when they’re done with it. I’ll start toasting the buns with butter.

Actually I was hoping you wouldn’t have to wait the whole four years. I have a bet that he won’t go the distance. I’m betting on coke fueled heart attack, but impeachment wins for me too. Who knows, the Russians might take him out if he decides to go rogue. That’s why this is a great bet. There’s so many ways to win.

The only explanation is enormous ego. Like pathologically large ego.

If you’re really a moderate then we’re on the same side. That means you understand firearm safety and practice it as a reflex without having to think about it. It means locking up your shit. It means never using your weapon to intimidate someone. Especially a woman you’re dating or want to date. It means you don’t…

Oh you’re one of those girls.

I stand by my assertion that if someone makes money for showing their stuff it’s porn. They want you to see it. I’m not responsible for the commentariate or stupid people in general. There’s no cure for them.

There was an element of marketing yes. It’s hard to know whose idea it was, the celebrity or their publicist. For Linsey I bet it was her, with an assist from drugs. It’s not hard to know why they’d do it though. It’s the same theory that made Kim Kardasian famous. Sex sells stuff.

I agree except when it’s an obvious marketing move. Anne was an innocent, sure, but Lindsey Lohan is doing it on purpose to stay relevant. It’s not a violation if the celebrity makes money off of it somehow.  

Eye roll. My ancestors were blacks from Sicily. They assimilated and were upgraded to white. Same with the Germans, Irish Polish etc etc. Calm down dude. We’re all just people. Immigration is good for the country. You benefited from it too, if you’ve ever consumed chicken parm, or a taco. Why do you have to be such a…

You still get to prosecute them for the arson, public disruption, and implied threat right? I don’t know if the mask makes any difference in the long run. Maybe you could stop them in the car on the way over? I suppose with the hoods the poles and gasoline it’s a dead give away.

I once bet my ten year old that she couldn’t find and ugly wedding dress. Nowadays 10 year olds have google so I lost on this one. This is the winner (loser?) I’m sure it would look great on you though.

I’ll ask the Russians.

Those are some very depressing options. Can we go with Idiocracy? I can’t believe I’m saying this but that might be the best of the bunch at this point.

These are the female star wars. I was at a play date the other day and the Beauty and the Beast song came on in the background and two of the mommies teared up. It’s like when I watch Luke blow up the death star on You tube and cry like a baby.

I think technically he needs cocaine. The rally thing is just something he does while high on cocaine. Like how I smoke weed and listen to jazz.

Eventually no one is going to show up, or the people that do will start to heckle him. I can’t wait for that.