I don’t know. There’s some overlap there. but point taken.  

What are they going to do? Take up arms in their nursing homes? This demographic is dying fast. When we vote in 4 years she’ll be re elected easily.

Only the stupid listen to the stupid.

OK point taken, but when your experts try to give me oxy for my broken elbow it’s clear they’re not totally impartial. I don’t agree they should make birth control over the counter, but in some cases the pros need to be checked. It’s a broken elbow for chrissakes. I didn’t even say it hurt very much. (So I never…

I think the word I’d use is fascinate. God dam that is beautiful.

I don’t think it’s a fake but I don’t mind saying my first thought was: well maybe. Isn’t Kanye supposed to be broke? Plus they make their living by ginning up drama. If it’s real then it’s a little like the boy that cried wolf. Still this seems pretty rough. I believe her, at least until other evidence is produced.

Modern women vocalists have nothing on the classics. Nothing.

I swear some people say they like Trump just to be dickish, to tweak me because they know I care. But these people won’t vote. The venn diagram of people smart enough to vote and people dumb enough to vote for Trump doesn’t overlap very much at all.  

Keep in mind though there’s a lot of people in this country happy to see you (and me ) squirm. Those people will eventually secretly vote for Hillary or just not trump. (from now on I will not capitalize his name. Capitals are for people with normal sized hands.)

Rotavirus is nasty. I’ve had a bunch of booster shots because I worked in sewage treatment. It can kill kids, and they are the population most likely to eat poop so that’s a double bad. You get it from eating poop. Wash your hands goddamit.  

Wait you can’t punch a guy, who you don’t know by the way, when he hits you in the face with a pie? If someone does that to me they get a punch. I’m no lawyer but I did go to elementary school. Those are the rules, then everybody goes to the principle’s office. I’m sure this guy’s an asshole but pie in the face is…

Counterpoint. If I’m elected president I’ll get rid of fire arms for most cops. Cops can carry non lethal weapons until they’re able to stop slaying the innocent. They can have small, well trained squads to respond in special cases only. Otherwise everyone else gets tasers and clubs. Maybe a shot gun with bean bags.

Sorry man. I can only write the shit that’s bouncing around my head.

He must have gotten a glimpse of that portrait he keeps locked up in the basement. I bet his soon to be ex wife drew the black curtain back to spite him, or had one of her servants do it.

Thanks man. That’s the worst part. Slaying our nations enemies is a long game that will take years. Not eating that cheeseburger and gravy fries is every day and it’s relentless.

I like you man. You seem like a cool guy. This is a bit I stole from Norm MacDonald but it’s absolutely true. What are the chances you’ll be attacked and killed by an Islamic terrorist. An ISIS member? That’s pretty low right? Now what are the chances you’ll be attacked and killed by your own heart? That’s like 90%…

Eyeroll. You should have seen the 1920s. That was dangerous. Everyone had machine guns and anyone could get them. You know the mafia in its various forms has been blowing people up and stabbing them since 1900 right? Years ago they did it with way more frequency. There were tons of bombs going off in the south in the…

Things are not fucked up right now. Statistically you are safer now than at any other time in history. Your access to information is greater, that’s all. Keep in mind no one was killed. It wasn’t the Boston marathon all over again.

Perhaps you should keep your horses trapped under a few tons of metal.

Mmmm Sweet elemental sodium. It sure does pop.