I SHAN’T RETURN!!!

I have to hand it to Jack-In-The-Box. In the world of owning up to shitty food, Jack is king. They explicitly market greasy, disgusting looking”munchie meals” to stoners who get hungry at midnight, and I bet they’re making a killing in that market.

“You have engulfed my loins in mystery and anticipatory ecstasy!”

Will Ferrell.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the abortion bills pass. That’s probably an easy one for them. The gay marriage thing might be a bit harder, especially considering “the people’s republic of Austin,” our Capitol, is what Republicans consider the official Texas home of the weird pot smokin hippies and the gays.

Ha! The only thing close to an enemy my mom has? A person who was judgmental of my sister without knowing the situation. That and horrible abusive parents. Our moms would totally be the A-Team.

I do believe that is the smarmiest picture to ever smarm.

GAHHHH one more. Sorry, but I love it.

I cannot even begin with the utter awesome, adorable person that is my mother. Just reading this right now, though, I remember one night when my mom took an Ambien for the first time. My mom is such a lightweight. She rarely ever drinks, and even then only a sip. Never smoked, never did drugs. She is a cheery,…

I...what....wow....have no words.

I was one of three girls in a full shop class in 8th grade, and the shop teacher was a good ol’ boy who spent a lot of time policing the boys around us ‘ladies.’ Now I realize I’m making him sound a bit sexist, and he probably was, but he came across like a stern yet approachable Dad figure, so it worked. Anyway, I…

I heard this headline in my mind in the voice of a 1940s radio announcer, thundering in with the cliffhanger ending to an episode of a show I would totally listen to.

My sister says this about black men. My SISTER. She doesn't understand why I find this so appalling. (Also - Idris Elba? Chiwetel Ejiofor?? Djimon Hounsou? Not even, like, I don't know, Drake? NOTHING???)

Every single time:

Right? I’m just thinking...how would you even do that? “Teachers, thank you for staying even later after school for this last minute faculty meeting, but we all need to weigh in RIGHT NOW on what a student is planning to wear to prom.”

Why, bless my stars! :D

Yeah, as a teacher, based on my own anecdata, most teachers would roll their eyes at this, and find it extremely funny that their opinions SUDDENLY MATTER SO MUCH to school admins.

Yeah, as a teacher I’m reading this principal’s comments a little differently.

She probably drawled the "a" into the "to." I hear it all the time : "Naw, honey, Ah went toa university." The two words blur together but they're there.

My Dear Emerson had possibly the most miserable childhood trying to take care of bipolar, widowed, obese and ill mom and schizophrenic sister, and it taught him empathy, I think. I worry sometimes that my fibro will be a problem, one day. That he will treat me the way my dad treats my mom sometimes (runs away, fishes…