Those assholes are so smug that I’m more than happy to have the Dolphins wear the “Worst season of all-time” crown to go along with their perfect season.

Not great when you haven’t played your Week 2 game yet and Deadspin already has the cover image for next season’s WYTS

Perhaps he meant Ben’s head is listed at 241 pounds, which seems feasible.

How much more pathetic could this be? None more pathetic. 

Derek Carr: "I would be more upset if I weren't so heavily sedated."

it may not have been for league minimum, but god damn, it feels good to be mostly right:

I legit don’t know what the hell just happened. I mean how? Although imagining Rothenberger’s reaction to this does bring me a surprising amount of warmth.

I can’t believe a sports league exists where there are basically 20+ incompetently-run franchises and 1 that feasts on them all.

BRB, going through every article written about AB over the last two months and faving all the Steelers fans’ smug comments.

And like that, the laughs of a million Steelers fans were suddenly silenced.

Excellent summary, Matt

It wasn’t just the last set, his forehand was wild all night.  Dimitrov played as well as he can, and Fed played about as bad as he can, and it still went 5 sets.

I’ll be honest, if I was a woman I would still insist on a condom and my own birth control even if this was on the market. I have a very low opinion of my gender’s emotional investment in taking responsibility for unwanted pregnancies.

“Brenda, this party is really dying. UNLEASH THE KITTENS!!!”

Strategic kitten reserves are a staple of any good party.

Fun Fact: in the halftime show, Big Boi rode a Cadillac down the field for more yards than the Rams had in the entire first half.

This is the Gruden Raiders philosophy: trade away your two established All-Stars for two first-round picks, cross your fingers, and if you hit the jackpot, you’ll end up with 90% of the talent you surrendered in the swap.

So they made Fitz starter because they know whoever it is will get absolutely slaughtered? 

They need to bench Fitz immediately. Sure, he’s not good, but if you let him play 16 games, he’s going to have 3-6 of them where throwing into double coverage a half dozen times each game works out and they light it up. Start someone who panics the instant the play breaks down and will check it down all game. You…

So the Texans trade Clowney for next to nothing, and then give away all their draft picks. Being without a GM is really working out great for them...