Donald Trump accepts your challenge.

Mom of the No Year Ever.

Excuse me, I have to vomit forever now.

Dude, there’s a friggin’ sick bag RIGHT THERE. What an asshole.

Good call on not bogarting the party. Still, I hope she was like “Girl, we are going out for drinks and celebrating YOU.”

I did it once, and I’ll stick with shaving, bumps and all. Hurt way worse than getting a Brazilian. I’m thinking I should just get laser hair removal for my pits and be done with it once and for all.

It’s almost enough to make me sad that I don’t use tampo... SPACE DYNAMITE anymore.

What the hell—is Andy Cohen trying to do his own middle-aged white guy revival of Mean Girls with a racist twist? He needs to sit the hell down, shut his own jackhole, and get educated.

Bless that young Subway employee. He’s a brave soul.

I took myself out to see 10 Things I Hate About You. My mom probably bought me a cake. Wooooo!

She looks like roadkill. Or Kanye’s version of Mad Max. Same difference.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

I’m sure you displayed amazing bathroom hustle, though.

You’re my hero for today.

She’s not the brightest sparkler at the fireworks show, that’s for sure.

This needs more stars. ****************************************************************************************

I’d eat logs of refrigerated cookie dough as snacks in college. Then again, college.

First story: Vom. Red velvet cake isn’t that good anyway. Raw and several days old is just disgusting.

I remember something similar happening a few years ago—the Canadian government’s consulate in my area either bought or sold a house (I forget which), the Queen was listed as the buyer/seller in the same manner, and there was a bit of “Whaaat?!”

Seriously. Heck, my dad’s a member of the NRA (he hates Wayne LaPierre and every word that comes out of his mouth, though, so I’m not sure why he’s still a member) and he thinks things like gun locks, mandatory gun safety courses, and NOT CARRYING YOUR FUCKING LOADED GUN AROUND ANYWHERE YOU WANT are all really really…