Your insistence that she is screaming "fuck your mouth" would give Dr. Freud serious indigestion. And an erection.

I'm partial to "moon tan" myself. Anyway, goth kids for the win!

"Could've used more vegan options."

I'd be so thrilled if you followed me, because for a brief moment in time, my notifications would say "Satan is following you." And I'd laugh and laugh.

I'd just started at the restaurant that just recently left after almost five years of serving/bartending/managing. Our chef at the time was hot shit in the local food scene. We've both moved on to bigger and better things since this restaurant.

I do not suggest the internet for you.

Oh, everyone knows about WBC. They don't even qualify as a dirty secret anymore. They're just the skidmark in America's drawers.

The saddest part of that story was finding out that Australians are aware of the WBC too. I thought only the US had heard of them and the rest of the world got to live in blissful ignorance of their existence.

Liking Jell-O "before it was cool" usually involves burning the fuck out of your mouth on molten gelatin.

May I never live to see it go the cupcake route and have to deal with "artisan aspic shops"

I predict jello has a hipster/foodie comeback soon (they'll have to call it "aspic"). I mean, this stuff is as retro as it gets. Go to Mount Vernon sometime; this was George Washington's dessert!

Wait, if you dry hump people you can get free cake?! I know how I'm spending my weekend!

There is NOTHING there. It's a fucking joke. I went not too long ago for something else and decided to browse, and there was a single rack. That's it.

An apology is not enough. Fix it, motherfucker. AND: kindly use decent fabrics and eschew the fucking poly in the plus sizes too. AND: our arms are not that fucking long - we're just bigger around. Jesus. Why is it so hard to get this right? (And I can actually wear most Target XLs).

I sympathize with Ms. Garner, but that collection is hella ugly. Not what I plan to wear this fall.

Ugh. Everyone knows you fake amnesia, not death! Gawd, millennials, get your shit together!

Yes! Like my story about the blue cheese! It got shared here and these people showed up in the comments all outraged that I made fun of the extra extra EXTRA well-done steak with a block of blue cheese guy. Like that order was completely normal and not unusual at all. I guess I can kind of understand defending the…

Sorry Sir or Madam, but that's not fucking pizza.

The majority of my stir fry dinners are just a peanut sauce vehicle.

I was JUST thinking "HEY IT MIGHT BE TIME FOR BCO" and then IT APPEARED.