I'm pretty sure you win this contest, but on the upside now I know that the best way to get a gremlin in human form to reveal itself is by exposing it to a dragon toilet seat. Buying one right now!

You're right. You win. JFC. If I saw someone THROW A CAT at the muthafuckin' ceiling I might go into a rage blackout and wake up with someone's entrails in my hands.

Holy fuck, you win. And here I was ready to complain about my roommate leaving period blood on the floor of the shower.

Is anyone else pretty sure that they were a terrible roommate? I was the WORST. I would snooze through my alarm for literally 90 minutes ever morning. I barely ever did the dishes. I left my shit everywhere. I WAS THE WORST, I'M SORRY PREVIOUS ROMMATES.

Oh hell yes I have a bad roommate story.

On a side note, I was thinking we could try to make "Hobby Lobby" a new slang term for the "common area" as a form a protest.

My second set of college roommates when I started my graduate program. I got roomed up with strangers because my friends elected to enter the workforce instead. Would have been fine, but they were undergraduates. And one was into amateur porn. I have no idea how he ever went to class, but every time I came back…

Well, we are getting there folks. Men are going to jail for raping goats & corpses, maybe soon they'll start going to jail for raping living human beings!

I thought it was well-known that she was a lesbian.

#NotAllMillennials

Because you're always on our lawns! With your smarty phones and your eye pads and your fancy coffee drinks we can't pronounce. Damn whippersnappers. My walker doesn't have blue tooth!

It's rainy in NY, so I imagine you might have more than 5 today.

Oh, jeez. I can smell what's coming next:

These arguments are not those of serious people.

Overheard at a Mexican restaurant in San Diego, which is owned by Mexican people who speak Spanish to each other:

What's the over/under on the number of parent-teacher conferences they've already had about this kid's creepy behavior?

I love how he can handle a woman covered in two-week-old butter but armpit hair is a bridge too far.

I believe 'Justice' is the one you are thinking of.

I'm sure there are uglier dresses than this one, but who the hell wants to walk down the aisle looking like a bedazzled clove of garlic?

I like that this one comes complete with baby-bunny merkin.