Beamish is certainly no worse than Murphy's. What gives, Will?

When Dickson was asked to rate her anxiety, she yelled FORE!!

I always cook scallops just as you've suggested. They always stick and I always lose that succulent crust. What the fuck?

It is, in fact, better than the rest.

Clearly, the Joe Webb video was embedded to ensure that Deadspin complies with its existing agreement with Chris Kluwe, requiring that any Deadspin post of more than 160,000 characters include a reference to Kluwe. I'm on to you Howard.

@sonofbum We'd ask you to explain your decision, but God knows you lost the ability to mount a defense years ago. - Thx. @HoustonTexans

Day 1 of their Junior year

It's an unassailable fact that cold beer bottles are 64% more effective in soothing teething babies than some carcinogen filled rubber ring. #science

Bigger story that the Sox bench emptied or that the Yankee bench (a few days after the realization that A-Rod ratted out his teammate) did not? [dick joke]

Yesterday, you blocked me for comparing your Pulitzer/Royko column to public masturbation while you applied lipstick. Was it the lipstick part that irked you? You certainly can't deny that your column was an act of "self love" can you?

So, Who Embarrasses Himself The Most In Rock of Ages?

Does your mom troll you on deadspin?

Yeeeeah boy. Thass what Ima talkin bout. Gimme sum knucks Slim.

Agreed. A father has two jobs: (1) keep her off the pole; and (2) don't let her become a lacrostitute.

Pep talk - Detailed death threats - same thing. I think he kills kittens to relax.

While it might look like a big "fuck-you" to his wife, it could, possibly, be the opposite: taunting an ex, somewhere, with the fact he's now married. We're not sure which one is douchebaggier.

IF you go into the right field, you can make a very comfortable living. But in all likelihood, if you're making good money, you're busting your everlovinggoddamn ass. The only lawyers I know that make a shit load of money (which is what I'm assuming you mean by having it made) and don't work like a dog to make that…

Nothing in this world would make me happier than having the independent wealth to quit my fucking job and spend the next 20 years working as a greenskeeper.

No "douchejuice" ?

...you can have a bowel strangulation, which is bad.