Had Bell's once. For that one glorious afternoon, I wanted to move to Michigan.

I'm waiting for tonight's over-ambitious troll to chastise me for promoting alcohol abuse.

Jack and Diet 7Up. Why do you ask?

I thought I was immune to the charms of such base humor. In retrospect, my immunity is clearly deficient.

Maxi's miss in Liverpool/Chelsea would have been epic, but for the eventual game-winner.

Dude, you win.

Without any context, that comment is fucking fantastic.

Thanks. Now I'll be humming America for the rest of the night.

If my answer to "Did you reboot?" is yes, your next piece of advice should not be "Reboot again."

Full Sail Brewing's Session Black. Going down quick.

@Francoeur's Plate Discipline: Pardon me if that was tongue-in-cheek, but you're kidding, right?

@Same Sad Echo: Ambien is a hell of a drug, ain't it?

@All Over But The Sharting: Please stop e-mailing me. I know who Jazzy Jeff is.

@Forget_After_Reading: Roger Goodell's "people" have already drafted their "cease and desist" letter to you for using their registered trademark "Super Bowl."

Ol' Scoop must be a real belt and suspenders kind of guy to make sure that the Orange failed to cover against Seton Hall by 35 points.

@FIFA-Thespian-Federation: When I think of Wisconsin, I think of annoying, privileged girls from Short Hills, New Jersey. Is that unfair?

@norbizness: That's grayt.

@Phintastic: Redacted. [Word to wise, reverse Google translate before posting. That came out significantly more depraved than even I intended.]

@Sooper_Dooper: Ol' Salty likes it bulldoggy style.