Since this is DUAN, if I'm going to be wifeless in Pittsburgh for one day/night, what do I do? Is there an Iron City brewery tour? Is it worth it? Any bar suggestions? Any "can't miss" food? Any "fine arts" establishments that employ college students worthy and in need of "college money?"

In an effort to give back to the community, Ben Roethlisberger's body guards have graciously agreed to provide security and make sure that no fat chicks try to interrupt you while you're flushing.

So does U2, but I have no misconceptions about LeBron playing for them next either.

@Moobs: Ding. Ding. Ding.

@Jefferson Tardship:

...[I] don't know how my wife is going to be able to sit in the crowd.

@David Hume: Why sacrifice your daughter when McLovin remains at the ready, anxious go all Brokedown Palace for you.

You can tell me that Scott Raab wrote this, but without a single trite pejoritive slur, I'm not buying it.

@ArkansasFred: Doesn't look anything like a Cadillac to me.

Anyone else's May billing due tomorrow a.m.?

@UweBollocks: Lots of good suggestions. I cannot wait for the new Gaslight album release. Have you tried the Avett Brothers?

Green's joke was piloted by Corey Lidle.

@DAULERIO: Really? The only time I went there, I took an AIDS cocktail for the next month, just to be safe.

@David Hume: It didn't get weird until you started predicting what AJ would say once he opened the e-mail attachment.

@NitneLiun: Look, I'm not going to get into a whole "thing" with you. You're an Army Officer that served during war time. You (personally) will get no guff from me. That being said, the well documented reputation of your collegiate alma mater did not materialize out of thin air. More importantly, I find it…

Presuming for one moment that I am a Filipino-Canadian pre-op tranny blackjack dealer, what do you think tastes more like its full flavored precedessor, Coke Zero or Diet Dr. Pepper?

Do you have change for a $50?

@Hans Todd Christiansen Anderson: The Pussiest Faux Military School Ever.

@Chris Hanson's Axe: Hockey fans would consider your juxtaposition and attribute the difference to Nash being Canadian. More than a few NYPD officers would attribute the very same difference to Gentry being canadian.

Why direct your hate at Shultz? He knows nothing