@JoeyPorterAle: Yeah, what gives? This story doesn't have any queef jokes.

Josh Hancock - Budweiser - Tom Mees

Looks like the kind of guy that would be offered cookies by Chris Hanson.

@Babcocksure: The guy's a pedderass.

Contrary to popular belief, the "1803" on the Milledgeville Police crest has nothing to do with the incorporation of the local municipality. Rather, it memorializes the moment in time when the community's civil rights movement froze for all eternity.

I cannot understand why everyone is so upset with Roethlisberger. He and Santonio Holmes have done nothing but perform public service this off-season. Anytime you can get Steeler fans to collectively shut the fuck up and feel some tinge of humility, you've worked for the greater good. The hell with the beef jerky…

@MateensCleaver: The Vangelos should have retreated through one of the secret tunnels.

@Lionel Osbourne: The case is awash in untruths and curiosities. It is a study in good fortune squandered and generosity abused.

Maradona was 5'5" or roughly 16 1/2 hands. Thierry Henry, he's 18 1/2 hands. So, Henry is two hands taller than Maradona. Those two hands must have been the ones he used to catch Florent Malouda's free kick.

Apologies to the Invincibles? I realize that they didn't win the Champions League or the FA Cup, but seeing as no other English team finished undeafeated in the last 130 years...

By Friday afternoon, Tiger and Phil should be Joslyn for position atop the leaderboard.

I always assumed that startling revelations about Barber's sex life would involve a Johnson.

He'll never play in the NBA, but he has a standing job offer from tauntr.com.

Here's a sample of the tale filling inboxes of curious Nova grads

@Señor Flandangles: You mean that they make you dizzy, like you've been drinking Jack and Cokes all morning?

Wake me when Popeye's releases their vastly superior answer.

I still don't understand why my bosses didn't see the humor in my Basketball Jones ringtone. Sure it went off in the middle of a meeting, but shit, it's Basketball Jones..

@starksgotejected: If you rooted for Wojo, Christian Laettner, Bobby Hurley, Trajan Langdon, Greg Paulus or Jon Scheyer, you are unquestionably, a douchebag. It doesn't mean that you are great with computers or believe that life is more easily understood in binary code. It doesn't mean that you're tragically…

You want to talk about punishment, Shaun Rogers is unable to vote in the Cake vs. Pie finals.

I always thought that USA Today was, like Gideon Bibles, only available in 2 1/2 star hotels.