14:56, 14:57, 14:58, 14:59...

Dick Enberg: Most people thought Mark Cutback Davis, or Joey Jungledead Gerard would win the halfpipe competition.

This was not his first noteworthy "admission" that was later debunked. Although Mayne once claimed that he was the driver of the tank that ran over the student demonstrator in Tianamen Square, cursory internet research quickly revealed that, in reality, he had simply order the General Tso's Chicken at P.F. Changs'.

Rutgers coach C. Vivian Stringer was suspended one game for violating the school's policy regarding male practice players. Namely, don't let them in the layup line, or the world will learn that Don Imus' fundamentals are just as good.

@MattinglysSideburns: I thought they tried to replace Uga with a hockey mom, sans lipstick.

@President Camacho: Are drunken mistakes and Monday mornings mutually exclusive in NOLA?

Mine was in 2005, when I was interning at a paper, and had to write a story about a high school sophomore named O.J. Mayo.

@Delonte, Interrupted: Three-peat?

UVM - "This group s just as good as every other recruiting class we've had since 1974.

The winner receives a year's supply of Alpo. The loser? Rape stand.

@Gamboa Constrictor: Winner.

The DP mole...

@Sir_Loin: The rocket sled would have messed up my hair.

Are there certain things athletes usually expect when they come in?

I understand that nobody would recognize the name Chancellor Adams, but to call him Rae Carruth's son only adds insult to injury.

Give the NYP photographer his due. By the looks of Rex's chins, that is a perfectly clear photo of a man giving the finger while rotating counter-clockwise at 4 G's.

Hey, you can tell a girl that she needs to hustle, or you can show her that she needs to hustle.

@Richard Starkey: I took great inspiration from those people as I followed my dream and invented New Coke.

Give him a break. At least he didn't go all Scott Peterson and throw out the oven with its proverbial bun.

Dark days in Raleigh.