I submitted a story via e-mail but just had to share this one too.

FACT: Bears eat beets.
Bears.
Beets.
Battlestat Galactica.

I usually have the worst service at the big chain restaurants like Bison Feral Appendages, Pepper Pods, Italian Flatbread Shanty, and of cours the Blue Crustacean, though nothing beats that last story from Cow Milk Monarchess.

Where I used to live there was a guy who maintained two wives/families, for decades, and no one ever found out. It came out only when he confessed on his deathbed (guess it’s a cliche for a reason). In that case it worked because he was a long distance haul truck driver. He really WAS gone half the time.

As long as this stops her obsession with quiet drape runners, I’m all for it.

I had a doppelganger in Chicago whose name was Jackie and worked for UBS. At the time, I worked at Merrill Lynch. We never met, but about once a month, some stranger in a bar would approach me and start talking to me like I was Jackie.

He has a ridiculous number of requirements we have to meet before we can tie the knot and live happily ever after: He wants us to be financially stable, living in a nicer apartment and ready for children. He also wants me to be a better housekeeper, keep a regular sleeping schedule and raise my credit score from the…

I just want to hear Bruce Jenner say that he’s happy. As a kid who built a decathlon in our backyard and competed with my siblings to be Bruce Jenner, I hope he gets to be what makes him happy. He was amazing and defined athleticism and masculinity, so let him define what makes him completely whole.

I’m half expecting Bruce to be trolling all of us and the reveal will be something totally inconsequential.

This is unbelievably creepy- just got home from the courthouse, just got divorced, and what's the first story I see on Jezebel? Stop stalking me!

::Ring ring::

Nonononono you ask a question, then you defer to Mr. Paul’s answer, and then you compliment Mr. Paul on his lush hairpiece, and then you curtsey like so.

I’m not sure a person can be any whiter than this.

Hahaha, I saw the original article posted to a friend's FB page and had the EXACT same reaction as you, Mark. I just posted your piece as a counter-point.

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