Her superpower is Withering Disdain. GO MAGGIE GO.

During high school I washed dishes in what passed for a fancy seafood restaurant in my outer-borough neighborhood. The entrees came out with a twice-baked potato and a little mini-bowl of vegetables. The owner instructed us that if potato or vegetable came back untouched we were to give it to the cook so he could…

I used to work at a lunch place that served fancy salads and sandwiches, basic grill stuff, and soups. Customers would place orders at the counter and then we would deliver the food. It was in a touristy spot and we would get slammed on summer afternoons after the tours let out. Generally there was one fry cook, one…

Any Ayn Rand books on his bookshelf

I once went out with a guy who said he was a writer, and since I'm also a writer, I asked who some of his favorite authors were. He said,

Yeah, this seems like a vengeful prank rather than anything that resembles discipline. He was laughing, she had no idea it was coming, and it has no connection to the behavior he found objectionable.

I mean I feel like the worst part is that he was laughing. Even if you believe in corporal punishment, which I do not, laughing is clearly not going to lead to greater respect. I was personally spanked (and would absolutely not do the same) but my mother, the few times she did it, cried while doing so. Probably should…

Why half-ass it? Go with ICP.

The RUSH t-shirt is a great and all, but nobody is gonna buy that a RUSH fan is bad for their child. You need to pick something really nasty and horrible, like the Black Veil Brides.

One of the BEST things about being an adult is doing crap your parents told you not to. "I am 29 years old and today I will be eating ice cream for breakfast!"

I saved up to buy a kitty surprise when I was a kid, and my mom took me to the toy store to pick one out. I must have spent half a freaking hour trying to decide which one to buy (because HOW MANY ARE INSIDE?), while my mom kept saying "Just pick one already." I finally picked one, brought it home, and AW YEAH 5…

I wanted one of these so bad as a kid, and my parents wouldn't get it for me because they thought it was a stupid fad toy. Well, JOKE'S ON YOU MOM AND DAD. Puppy surprise is back and now I'm a 30-year-old with a salary and an unknown number of baby puppy-sized holes in my heart.

WHERE IS MY TEDDY RUXPIN!? MY NOSTALGIA BONER DEMANDS THE BEAR THAT I CAN MAKE SPEAK CUSS WORD FILLED RANTS ABOUT THE NEW YORK GIANTS!

Nope! Charlie Jane Anders over at io9 also likes it, and she only likes good things, so it literally makes me question my dislike of it.

Last night I found this unique black road warrior looking car in the desert, so I stole it. was driving away for a few seconds when an 18-wheeler comes barreling through an intersection right in front of me, making me brake hard. At first I thought holy crap what a crazy AI driver, until I noticed it stopped purposely…

Best part of GTA is the random shit that happens without you doing a thing

It's absolutely disgusting that victims of violent crime have to raise money to get their medical bills covered.

For future vasectomy recipients, don't do what I did, and go out drinking the instant you get your clothes back on.

i am assuming blake will need to do press for this and will be too busy for preserve

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