I mean it does break my heart a little that he hasn't had an erection in over a year. But the visual of "hog tied with socks" is making me laugh hysterically. And that he was "unsurprised" to see that you were over it. 100000000 points.

Thinking of a less well-known line from Mommie Dearest:

...Did you take the popsicle? I would have taken it, since clearly it was the most phallic thing to come out of the encounter.

I . . am not even going to bother with a story. You win. With the socks.

Oh man. I'm probably late to the party but this one still stands out for me after many, many years of fulfilling and great sex. It is the single cringe-iest (if that's a word) moment I can think of during sex acts.

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! <— the only appropriate reaction to this. WTF with this dude?

Sounds like he was a real stinker.

I am so beyond sick of these ridiculously pale female characters in obviously tan worlds. Why is everyone so tan but the woman? Like how in Stargate the princess and love interest just happened to be the SINGLE WHITE CHICK amongst thousands of ambiguous brown people. We get it, mainstream media, white is pure and…

Many of the evenings during the last two years of high school were spent with my girlfriend in the back of my car, making out and having sex. We would park in the woods at a nature preserve near her home or in a local farmer's field because neither one of us had parents who would appreciate us screwing at all, let…

I had one recently!

Joe. My. God.

One time I was with a dude for the first time and right in the middle of fucking he half-shouts "WHOSE PUSSY IS IT?!"

Several years ago, I was dating a wonderful woman who was eight years older than me and had a 5 year old daughter. It was her first experience dating since her divorce, and my first experience dating somebody with a kid (I was only 20 at the time), so we both agreed that we'd wait awhile before I was introduced to her…

Around 2AM after the bars had closed, I'm awoken by a knocking at my door. Its my roommate and under his arms are two women, and they are all drunk and happy. "Hey, man, did I wake you? This is Kim. Kim, this is the roommate I was telling you about, he's awesome!" I quickly surmised that he had picked these two up in…

It is almost too depressing to share. When my husband and I had been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for a year, I was starting to really lose it. So was he, but mostly because he knew how on the brink of things I was. The worst sex we ever had or ever will have was in the middle of this. It was pretty standard,…

There was this guy in my college group of friends who everyone had done the deed with. He was a bit of a slut and he was also tall, blonde, and lanky. I can't fault a soul who banged him.

Oh and!!! A few months later, I was going down on him when I noticed something black on his pelvis. Is that a mole? On god no, it's blood. I nicked his dick with my permanent retainer. It bled A LOT for a whole. He thought it was funny. I thought I killed him.

Shortly after losing my virginity to my first love, I was in the phase of wanting to do it all the time. My boyfriend and I were literally horny teenagers who would sneak away to bang as often as possible.

File under Awkward: While having drunken sex in college, she started crying halfway through (but in no way stopping) and talking about her friend from high school who had committed suicide. Then she said "hurt me" and turned over so I could do her from behind.