I live in an American neighborhood with a high population of homeless alcoholics (and homeless people in general). While I have seen some of evidence of urination and defecation, I have seen zero dicks or asses. Americans take public nudity pretty seriously (way too seriously).

Is 'a romantic' the same as 'remarkably poor at judging the state of his relationships'?

While in general I don't think video games should be banned, I think it makes sense in this case. Different people need different things. My son and I love Spongebob, but it is banned at my brother's house because his kids were using it as an excuse to call each other unkind names. A small village is like a large…

Is she wearing Ken's testicles as earrings? I always wondered where those buggers had gotten to.

Definitely pepitas (pumpkin seeds) and sunflower seeds.

I'm thinking about making a poster for a Steve Carlsberg Disapprobation Club.

Well said.

I confess that I would have screamed for Cecilos too. They are adorable: It's a scientific fact.

Craigslist and OKCupid are free. Just sayin'.

Craigslist is free: Put yourself out there! 69 is a sexy number.

Aww, shucks.

We might be the same person living in alternate realities. Did Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson just announce a double-headline tour in your reality? That's the big news here.

I've always heard, "Once you go hairy back, you never go back." I guess that wasn't true in your case.

I am a person who sometimes gets horny and has casual sex with people who are not strangers per se, but whom I've only known for an hour or two. They have to be intelligent, respectful, and willing to meet me in public. I have other requirements, but they are not the fun kind of details that you're trying to tease out…

I have several friends who are Republican, but I overlook it because they are socially liberal and understand their privileges. So I suppose it's forgivable to sleep with one of them. This is a time of political detante after all.

That was in art school, 20+ years ago. I told him I would show him my portfolio if he showed me his. We made out on his livingroom floor, then moved to the bedroom for some truly unspectacular sex, where he used his chest as a fulcrum for his thrusting. If that sounds awkward, then you are picturing it correctly. I…

I'm seriously thinking about spending some time working for a foreign aid organization when my son graduates from high school. Will that be enough? I'm so ashamed.

Six bad choices in 30 years of sexual activity doesn't seem that bad. And I've had lots of fun spontaneous sex too, like the guy who role-played with me in his office and then we screwed on the conference table. Or the tall, hot, hung, sweet young man who comes to my house about twice a month and treats me like I'm…

Did you know beforehand? Because I did in one case, so that is on me. But in the other case he didn't tell me until after we fucked. I should have guessed because he works for an oil company, but he's black, so my Republican radar was confused.

I can't argue with you there.