Man, when I was a very little kid in Nigeria, sometimes my parents would get their hands on a Cadbury Fruit and Nut bar (probably through our British neighbors). The five of us would share that one bar with ceremony. That was the bomb.

I used to answer a lot of questions from girls about masturbation, and forgetting to think about erotic things seemed to be a common stumbling block. I would also suggest getting a variable speed vibrator and a dildo, as some people have more of their arousal vaginally and others can only get off clitorally.…

That may be so, but the things that get publicity (aka the things that make them look really bad and the things that I remember) have had to do with people being kicked off of the plane for being too fat, to sexy, or too sexy for a fat person. Those people included Kevin Smith, which adds to the memorability factor.…

I've never actually seen it. I just know that there is a sex scene that includes butter and that it was rated X for a while. I know that at the time that it came out a lot of people thought it was sexy, but there are people who think horse-tail butt plugs and bondage clowns and listening to farts are sexy, so who…

Hand-jobs Only Brothels, Just Friends Brothels, Girlfriend Experience Brothels, Friendzone Brothels, Beef Consumme: All the kinds.

I'm guessing they saw Last Tango in Paris and felt inspired.

The rule in my house is makeup is fine at home or on Halloween. But no makeup outside of the house until high school. Which seems to be fine because my son doesn't even know where his makeup bag is at the moment.

Dear 30,

I hope she gets a raise for being awesome and making Southwest look good for a change.

Yay! Do I win a prize for being number 400?!

For the same reason we both clicked on this post.

Beef brothel, chicken brothel, veggie brothel, shrimp brothel, waffle brothel.

I did the same thing on an open-book test on The Scarlet Letter. I even wrote a page-long essay about symbolism by turning to a random page and writing about what was on that page.

Well, it won't be me, because these are perfect. I was afraid it was going to be some food spitting or something. The only time I ever did anything half this satisfying was when I flipped off some jerks who came through the drive-thru demanding something that wasn't on the menu. I could have jury-rigged an acceptable…

Yeah, soup brothels. I like a nice beef brothel myself.

For anyone who goes: It is only about six short blocks from the Denver Botanic Gardens, right next door to a Walgreens (for your urgent junk food cravings), four blocks from VooDoo Doughnuts, two or three blocks from an ice-cream shop, in walking distance of two or three dispensaries, and a dozen bars and restaurants.…

I also live two blocks from that place, near Liks! Hello neighbor!

Stoned people aren't well known for their running abilities.

This place is literally right next door to a Walgreens (I pass it every time I walk to Walgreens), so you could get all the junk you want if that was your preference.

I've never been a drug dealer, but I feel like I have a deep affinity for it since I watched The Wire and Breaking Bad. I'm thinking about getting a tattoo that looks like track marks, quelle nouvelle!