He has taken the high road straight into my heart.

I've never read the books, but I read so many naughty passages in dog-eared copies that were handed around in seventh grade that I feel like I did. That is why I am grateful that someone watched this so that I did not have to. I hope this also spells the end of the ad popping up every time I open my Kindle.

I live in Colorado and we have these classes. I went as the court mandates to all divorcing parents. It was remedial and trite, and did nothing to stop my brother from being a huge asshole and using his kids as a tool to torment his ex-wife. I was irritated that I had to go, angry that I had to pay $60 for a class I…

I didn't keep any of the messages, but I was supposed to meet a guy for a "casual encounters" pre-sex summit. Check him out, make sure he matched his picture, be seen in public together, make sure there is chemistry, etc. I always meet in a public coffee shop or bookstore with a coffee counter because they are…

I was distracted by the sudden thought that if he married Erin, his name could be Ryan Ryan. Think about that.

I live in Colorado. I have worked in the Denver County Clerk and Recorder's Office. (Which although true really has no bearing on my opinion; I just like to sound more official by saying it.) Pre-marriage classes are not going to stop anyone from getting divorced and more than the already mandatory pre-divorce…

I recommend going to thrift stores. Your baby will grow so fast and soil so many clothes that it's more about quantity than quality, in my opinion. I'd also look online. I was lucky because my then father-in-law worked for a medical supply company, and he sent me a massive box full of shirts, onesies and receiving…

If my future imaginary wedding (not dating anyone at the moment) costs more than $2000, then I have a) spent more than I expected and b) spent more than I did on my car. I insure my car, but I don't think that I'll be insuring a wedding. Not unless there is a chance that the wedding could hit a BMW and not be able to…

While I thought it was a little odd when my ten-year-old covered his walls with One Direction posters, I would be severely creeped if he suddenly switched them for William H. Macy posters.

I think the last four words are supposed to be the beginning of the first paragraph.

No, this is where cats come from.

I took "garbage person" to mean "a person made out of garbage."

This is surprisingly self-aware and proactive. I applaud these women.

I'm wondering how this is going to play out on Scandal, or if they will hide it with big purses and trench coats.

I think you should ask him to find other accommodations. He can't afford to live with you, and he's racking up debt that he's never going to be able to repay at this rate. If that and the future of your relationship isn't enough to motivate him to get a better job, nothing short of the threat of finding a new place is…

Are you the hipster of cooking fats?

I never used to use butter because I thought that margarine was better for you. When I learned that that wasn't true I said fuck it. I use both now because margarine is softer without having to get it to room temperature, but butter tastes better. Margarine for toast and mac-n-cheese (from a box, for my son), and…

Are you in training to be a sumo wrestler or something? Why so much rice?

No, they're not hanging low. In art school we learned that a young woman's nipples are generally one head-length below her chin. Michelle's breasts follow this rule exactly. Working at Victoria's Secret (after art school), we learned that most people have asymmetrical breasts. Michelle's breasts also follow this rule.…

You know what I would like to see? A return to actual chefs in the kitchen versus boil-in-bag meals. My whole family used to enjoy eating at your restaurants, but it's lost its savor for us. Especially when "lighter fare" usually also ends up meaning "lighter taste."