Maybe Trump and Belichick get along so well because Belichick is dating the version of Kellyanne Conway that doesn’t sleep in a coffin.

“Man, fuck off.”- Penguins

That’s way too ingrained in American society and capitalism to be worth the strokes of my keyboard.

Among Ladies of the Evening, this phenomenon is referred to as a pissious cycle.

A bunch of journalists crowding around a hole in the wall may seem weird, but at least it’s a lot less creepy than when a bunch of truckers do it at a rest stop.

I’d say the real news here has to do with the guy behind Belichick who apparently scalped Boris Johnson

I can’t wait to watch him in the playoffs.

The Stanwick family, considered “one of the first families of lacrosse,”

Rex still has bragging rights from this experience, though, since he was actually fired slightly before Rob.

The irony in the header picture is palpable. Mourinho had to get fired for his team to play like a Jose Mourinho team, whereas Alan Pardew got fired because his team plays like an Alan Pardew team.

Sorry Tim, but I can’t feel bad for anyone who takes someone who wears guitar straps as suspenders at their word.

That tweet was posted just over three hours ago; Harbaugh’s likely already gone home, lathered that sucker up in oil, popped it in the oven, and had a good round of catch.

Well, if anyone Baba Booey’s ESPN 710 Seattle tomorrow, we’ll know who to look for.

+1

I have a boss who’s cool enough to let me take a lunch break at 11 o’clock to go see Swoop and give him a high five.

VIDEOGRAPHER: Man, what a creep, right? Hold on, let me see if I can get a closer shot of his crotch.

Northcutt: [rips apple in half]

Honestly, this Bill Simmons fan fiction wasn’t nearly as bad as you’re making it out to be. The first half of it was actually great, and he only lost me at the second part when a pregnant Sonic the Hedgehog showed up.

You wanna see a guy who looks like Santa Claus deadlift 650 pounds while some EDM-inflected Christmas music plays in the background?

Floyd Mayweather, We Have Something You Should... Never Mind, I’m Just Going To Tell You Stevie Wonder Actually Isn’t Blind