Jesus Christ, Paul. If you need CPR afterwards, maybe you’re not blowing the dunk right?

Ladies and gentlemen, J.R. Smith

Local Boy In Trouble For Peeing The Bed Even Though He Immediately Burned The Sheets

Wait, flips off home crowd into what? Or was this not in the parking lot before the game?

“Maybe add the Upper Midwest, and the entirety of Canada (just to be safe), to the list of places we should no longer go.”

To be fair, that would actually be a pretty splendid day for Jim McMahon.

Nice kick, douchebag! Did your mom teach you how to... oh god.

/dying

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high do you think you could get by licking Newt Gingrich’s back?

I guess that explains why Eli’s lips were moving the whole night.

Great managers often take very different approaches to the same topics. For instance, Alex Ferguson would simply tell his players to get fucked.

In difficult times such as these, it’s nice to see Americans go back to the one unifying, unambiguously good past-time that has lasted them for over 240 years: kicking the shit out of the Irish.

Fucking idiots. I told them playing games at Dover wasn’t a good idea...

Aw, man. These are the kind of memories that will last... never mind, let’s not think about that.

I want to hang out with Marshawn Lynch. Do you think he will be my friend?

I’m not sure the answer to your first question, but I think it’s only fair that UNC be held accountable for Fratboy’s actions considering they’ve named a building after him.

Pep Guardiola, with a smirk: “Count the rings.”

If only Joey Barton had the same sense of responsibility towards his team’s events.

Kessel taking a nap is no big deal. You just have to remember to wake him up every couple hours or so, or he could end up dy- wait, never mind, that’s Crosby.

Is early voting worth it?