HOST: Our next call is from Curt in Rhode Island. What have you got for us today, Curt?

Nobody would have blamed him for keeping Max Scherzer, who had thrown 99 pitches

+1

To be fair, you shouldn’t expect Curt to be 100% mentally there during this interview, what with all the blood coming out of his... whatever.

Cool. I already tried Katrina Pierson but I don’t feel comfortable transcribing her answer.

Central Park Five: Guilty or not?

I’d NEVER work for Apple. NEVER. In fact, I’d rather jump off a building with a net surrounding it.

Somebody scratched his Firebird.

Trump: “Ore... Ida?”
Aide: No, sir. It’s “Ne-VA-da”.

I’m convinced there is not a single mundane activity that cannot be rendered extremely bad-ass by the addition of a crowd of people hooting and hollering.

I can’t think of any reason why Smith shouldn’t just go on Mike & Mike every Monday to talk shit about whoever was covering him the day before.

Two Buffalo Bills fans hopped up onto the bed of a pickup truck for yet another table-smashing, but this instance had nuance.

You thinking about trying out for the Mets then?

Before you ask

Wait, Indiana Fever is a basketball team? I thought that was just what the rest of the world called Crisco Poisoning.

Okay, I get that they’re not technically dreads, but I still feel like this dude never washing his hair is a form of cultural appropriation.

I don’t want to get into the politics part of it and tell you who I’m voting for and all that,

Raiders Fan Knocks Out Raiders Fan In Extremely Slow Fight

“All stitched up and ready for Oxford,” he said.

His leg snaps and points 90 degrees from the way legs are supposed to point.