h/t Linda Cohn

“Oh, goddamnit. Now everyone is going to think I’m a Colts fan.” -Rex Ryan

In case any baseball fans are disappointed by this news, just remember, Phyllis Schlafly still is.

Once shots were fired, however, the station quickly cut to Rudy Giuliani at a conference.

Holy shit! The Jaguars play lacrosse now?!

Donald Trump, an imp who will be banished from this world as soon as someone speaks his true name.

You’ve been holding out long enough, Adam. Show us Teddy Bridgewater’s tibia.

The Hilltoppers stomped Rice

How much time will need to pass before any of you feel comfortable eating a McChicken?

if you wanna be a big-time city, I think you gotta hold on to these teams, and once they leave, they aren’t coming back.”

Maybe he’d be less aggressive if the groomers trimmed the hair around his eyes so he could see better.

and in 2003, filed for a trademark on “Compassionate Colonoscopy.”

[takes drugs]

LMAO at some of those old-timey ass baseball players on your old team, Barry. I mean, seriously: Bartolo Colon?

“If we can’t get 750, we respectfully thank you but we’re going to move on.”

One...

“Consider yourself lucky, bud.”

I’m glad I found this comment again because I’m dying laughing at it right now

Sorry, Mike, but Trump doesn’t actually enjoy KFC when it’s in coach.

with Lesnar allegedly remarking that Jericho should either punch him or kiss him