Thanks to Casey’s petulance, they both look like giant babies now.

Looks like Vince gave that French dude quite a tip as well.

The difference is that the effects of a 110-pitch outing don’t make a person lose his mental capabilities.

Idiot. You’re supposed to use your horn while you’re stretching.

Do you think Bill Simmons will ever gain a sort of camera presence that doesn’t make all of his viewers deeply uncomfortable, or has that ship already sailed? Every time I watch him I feel like I need to put a coat on.

Don’t worry about the feeling of all the other competitors, though. Everyone got a trophy!

Some would say tattooing such a small child is irresponsible, but I say go for it if she’s already got the mustache.

So a Marlins fan expected a certain level of service, only to get a product that was a cheap, terribly diluted imitation of what was promised? No way he could have seen that coming.

Maybe Rex Ryan is so resentful towards the media because it’s the plural of “medium”.

+1

Bartolo Colon, who turns 43 years old today,

Honestly, whether or not that’s something to hide depends on how cute your kid is.

Honestly, I was really energized this morning about this bipartisan effort on the part of Congress to help out American workers being screwed over by the mega-rich. Unfortunately, though, all of that energy went out the window when I found out it was being done by the fucking Democrats.

If Green plays in Game 4 and the Warriors eventually take the series, the “This league is fixed!” shouts may never stop coming from Oklahoma City.

Don’t watch this if you’re Gordon Gund, either.

Oddly enough, I saw Mike Tyson walking around the streets of Las Vegas the other day wearing a t-shirt that said “Malformed Greasy Brandwhore.”

Doctor Faustus (This one didn’t really need any changing)

Their Eyes Were Staring Down Open Receivers

Mechanics Fall Apart

Now before anybody complains, just remember: there aren’t many concepts more modern than planned obsolescence.