Hey, sometimes you have to travel far and wide to find a good mohel.

In hindsight, “PlausibleDeniability” did seem like a really weird promo code.

Telling jokes online? I think I’ve got that down alright.

Your “American dollars” don’t mean shit, Bud.

You jerk. I wear a real helmet, not a hair one.

I got like three numbers that night

Still, at least this guy can take comfort in the fact that his shame will always be hidden.

If you have any more information, however, let us know at tips@deadspin.com.

+1

Jon Gruden: See, this guy right here. He’s a guy I like to call “Brokey McFuckstick”, because I make around 40% more annually than-

Pop the champagne!

Still, imagine being a Nationals fan who missed the original Reds-Nats game, went to today’s game, and didn’t get to see Bryce Harper in person because Jonathan Papelbon tried to squeeze his head off.

That picture of Geno Smith is as horrifying as it is confusing. How does a broken jaw make you shrink so much?

If any amateur lip-readers out there can figure out what Smith thought of Nelson, we’d love to know.

Hochuli has yet to comment on the issue, but Pro Football Talk spoke to “league sources” who say that Hochuli denies that he said anything to Newton about his age.

DraftKings or FanDuel? Show your work.

Big deal, Barry. It takes twice as many people to undress Eli.

I don’t pay attention to the umpires. I didn’t even realize he was back there.

Conan also tried playing the new edition of FIFA, but quit after 25 minutes after having brutally murdered four production assistants.

Going to see the pope tomorrow in our nation’s Capitol. This is going to be one of the highlights of my life.