it's 11:18, and still nobody gives a fuck about your fantasy team.

Best:

I'm going to crack open one of these, and ponder what's missing from this list.

Wolverine. Nobody ever pays Wolverine any attention.

if i win, everyone gets...

I had to Google that while at work. I think I just joined a "watched" list.

High Expectations Asian Father not Pleased.

Meh :/ i like my approach better

+1

It was all fun and games...

Yessss!

I'm going to have to go with Captain Dudley Liam Smith in L.A. Confidential

I actually had to struggle to stay awake during oblivion, what a letdown.

No shit :)

He makes it sound so exciting, poor Uncle Ted, he just couldn't wrap his mind around it.

A couple decades later...

Axe body spray is already weapon. It is absolutely fatal to my vagina.

Wait until this is cross-posted on Gizmodo and the hordes trip all over each other informing us how shitty Beats By Dre headphones are.

I know you're a huge commenter on Deadspin but that's a really shitty thing to post about someone getting murdered. Was that lame joke really THAT important that you just couldn't refrain from posting it?

To be fair, you can't even walk in Chicago without running into at least a few Poles.