Bob Barker was more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

No kidding. It should totally be illegal to alter the terms of a binding contract.

How about mentioning that there were 15 DNFs at the Vancouver Olympics for the Women's Super G?

I didn't think this was possible, what with Putin discouraging men from playing the upright organ.

How certain is the writer that Derek Jeter is dead?

Ice Slippery

Maybe I'm just a speed skating purist, but I still don't think they should be allowed to use the blue spiked turtle shell in medal races.

Sure, the winner got a gold medal, but she will always have to live with the fact that it was in the Winter Olympics.

To make matters even worse for Sam Sr., a Denny's waiter then showed up at his table with a plate of food.

Why aren't there more movies about businesses heroically crushing the poor?

Entitled Media Brats Complain About Free Gifts, Are Pretty Sad.

Only a Toronto Star writer can be so obsessed with finding subliminal gay messages in a swag bag that he forgets what a rainbow looks like.

someone had left an indeterminate amount of semen on the sheets of the second bed, and those sheets had been taken away for cleaning, and hadn't come back.

...not all man holes are always covered

Regarding gluten-free diets for kids- I got to call someone out on the bullshit about this recently, and it was great fun.

Look how slimy and pink that thing is! And it's right next to Gene Simmons's tongue!

HEY EVERYONE DID YOU KNOW THAT MEGYN KELLY RECENTLY MADE REMARKS ABOUT THE RACE OF SANTA CLAUS? ISN'T THIS JUST THE PERFECT TIME TO ALL RECALL THAT SHE DID THAT?

Of course it wasn't these two. A good Sheff would never want to mess up Stew art.

"Who are two people who have been in my kitchen?"

-Victor Conte, 2004

I gotta be honest, all I can see is Roger Ebert.