Slapping them around in my colander, I guess... but I see the point now.

At the age of about 10 my favorite column was probably Bon Appétit's one about tools (the name of which I'm totally blanking on) where they would compare kitchen appliances to one another. (The best garlic press, the best food processor, etc.) Second favorite column: Cook's Illustrated's weird tips from readers…

with several of Hollywood's most awesome women: Amy Ryan, Naomi Watts, Andrea Riseborough, Zach Galifianakis, and Merritt Wever, among others.

Congratulations on your JD from Wikipedia University.

Then there's this classic:

Are you saying that because she's mad that personal nude photos of her were illegally made public, that it's not OK for her to look sexy in a photo?

I vote for Zara Fuchs. Which is the closest name I can come up with that sounds like Zero Fucks.

I noticed it for the first time in the Harry Potter movie that he's in, the camera angle changed so they were shooting him in profile and it was like some someone was trying to turn his face into a pie crust with a rolling pin. There are lots of faces that are flat in the world, but his literally looks like it's been…

I think my favorite is the polka-dot shirt and bandana she wears with jeans when she's gardening on the roof- with matching gloves, I think? For years I wanted an outfit like that to garden in, before I realized how wildly impractical it was.

Ooh! I loved all the stuff Linda wore in Crocodile Dundee. Especially this red party dress:

Accessorize with Flag: optional.

YES! I was just thinking about On a Clear Day! I swear. She wore those great cute little 6o's dresses, but then those extravagant (and absurd) gowns for when she is Melinda...

I love absolutely everything "modern day" Barbra Streisand wore in On A Clear Day You Can See Forever. It's frustrating because hardly anyone has heard of this movie and there aren't many good pictures of the clothes, but she wore so many adorable 60's A-line dress and coordinating coat sets.

Fur coat, silk scarf as a headwrap and crazyness.

Also, when I was a kid I thought Marty was beautiful and this dress was the prettiest, most sophisticated sexy dress I had seen.

I'm badass and not to be fucked with, from Dangerous Liaisons. So you think this would be okay at a job interview?

I didn't go to UChicago but I think it's a little myopic to think this is a problem unique to them or that your university didn't have any problems with sexual assault whatsoever. This is not a UChicago problem or a Columbia problem or a Harvard problem (or the myriad other schools that have gotten newspaper cover…

Another gender bending thing they did that I LOVED was when Theo decided he wanted to be a model and the family got together to show him what was involved and how much work it was, and what a chancy business. And that dropping out of college to chase that particular star with no backup plan was a bad idea.

Okay, that taken care of, how do I stop my cat from meowing and waving her paw under the door every time I'm taking a dump?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯