Stephen King just threw up his hands. A lifetime of work Trumped in a single sentence.

ok, this is scarier than stories posted here

I woke up one night screaming in terror because I had a dream that Donald Trump started to make sense.

That moment when your eyes jump from “Whales” to “Dildos” (and disregard all the words in the middle)

18th and 19th century ladies clearly had the equivalent of a porn buddy...someone who, in the event of your death, would quietly sneak over and dispose of anything undignified before anyone else goes through your things.

I’m sure it’s comfy but

I’ve heard stories- Supposed to be very fast, nigh uncatchable... crewed by the damned, and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out.

“I was informed that it had been sent back because the drink was “too cold.” For those who may not be bar savvy, this would be the equivalent of sending a bowl of soup back to the kitchen for being too hot.”

I had to go scarf down a semi-stale Krispy Kreme donut that I swore I wouldn’t touch, just to drown that taste of sorrow in my mouth. Every single time I tell myself that Aramark is not Italian for “homestyle cooking” and yet every single time I forget. Fucking Mondays.

“DON’T YOU KNOW WHAT FISH DO IN WATER?!”

Just had to stop reading to say I laughed so unexpectedly hard and so suddenly at this that I choked on the chip I was eating and had to spit it out on my desk. I ain’t even made at this lady, this is too hilarious.

I resolved to try to lose weight last week Pinkham. Damn you.

Even as a seven-year-old, I was so baffled at the drug lyceums my school would have where they claimed that drug dealers hang around the playground, give kids stickers with acid or LSD on them, and then the kids are hooked on drugs FOREVER! My allowance was $1 a week, I could not afford drugs. That’s just a horrible…

Oddly enough, it turns out that when you skip breakfast on a gloomy Monday, fudge actually isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when foodstuffs are considered. Still, by the time I am done with this amazingly bland bowl of pesto pasta with all kinds of fixins that our cafeteria somehow managed to make taste like…

“Oh. Duh,” she says, echoing my thoughts entirely, “Okay, I’ll take the crispy chicken salad with extra extra ranch” she concludes out of nowhere.

Okay, I haven’t read through yet, but last week, I discussed writing up a “BCO In Jokes Primer”... and here it is. For all those who are new...

“If we didn’t win, why do you deserve to get paid?”

“If we didn’t win, why do you deserve to get paid? If you don’t succeed in business, you shouldn’t be the first one to step up and complain about getting paid.”

That’s bar none, the second best stunt I’ve ever seen done in GTA V.